1000 times goodbye
by HarmonicHagler
Summary: The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
1. Chapter 1 - Hungry Heart

There were too many things I realised after I grew older. Too many things.

It is often said that you learn the best advices in life after you need them the most. I was kinda sceptical about that statement but it makes more sense to me now, just from my own experiences. I trusted some people too much, I went along with the wrong person for far, far too long.

Another advice I wish I had heard earlier was that I had to be truly honest with myself.

I lied to myself for way too long, so much so that it really hurt me badly. Even though I wasn't truly happy or satisfied, I kept telling myself I was. Being with that one person never gave me what I wanted and it never would have. Maybe I believed things were bound to get better if I endured it for long enough. I can't even remember how I felt at the start. Only the bad memories about that person remain inside my brain now. Ironically, the person who can put a smile on you face, can oftentimes be the person who makes you feel the worst. Strange isn't it. That one night which took place years ago. The ring, the taxi, the…...nothing. What I was left with. I thought I was done. But that one "True" person came to me soon after. That person I owe everything and above to.

* * *

"Daddy!' I hear as I walked out the gate in the airport.

My little boy ran towards me and I picked him up and gave him a hug.

"Have you been behaving well with your mother?" I said with a childish soft voice to him.

"Yesh Dad!" He replied.

I look up and the boy's mother was standing in front of me with a bright smile.

"I missed you!" She says as I place my boy on the ground

We hugged and had a kiss as I held onto my sons hand.

"How was your trip?" My wife said still grabbing onto me.

"It was great New Zealand really was beautiful, I wish you two could have seen it with me."

I was truly a great trip but it would have been a thousand times better if I could have gone with my beloved family.

"Did you chee Kiwis dad?"

"Haha not this time son, maybe next time when you come"

My wife wrapped herself around my arm as she cheerfully hummed and as a three we headed towards the baggage reclaim.

/

My wife drove the car since I was jet lagged and I was pretty worn out. My son-Kaaki sat in the back.

"Was he really behaving well?" I said in a quiet voice so Kaaki doesn't hear it.

"Absolutely, he whined a few times but that's really it" She replied.

"Dad, did you get us gifts?!" the young voice said

"Off course son, I'll show you once we get home"

"Oh and dad!, after you went mummy's been crying heaps."

'WHAT' I thought to myself.

"Is what he's saying true?!" I asked

She look down a little bit and stopped the car on the side of the road.

"Hey…..Hachi I really did miss you….."

She leaned over and hugged me tightly and kissed me again

"Yeah will I'm back now so no need to feel that way anymore"

She smiled and thanked me as she hit the road again.

/

We lived in a relatively small apartment, Perfect for the three of us, Kaaki had his own room but if we wanted another child we would have to move. I had gone to New Zealand to get Ideas for my next story.I was thinking of having one of my characters move there or have one of the stories classrooms go there as a trip. From my novels I had been making a stable income and I hoped to increase that with my next novel. I will say I am in a pretty good position in life for a 26 year old, I had a amazing wife, a wonderful kid and more than enough money. It was now 10pm and Kaaki had drifted off with his new sheep plushie I got from my trip lying beside him. I was in the lounge sitting down on the couch watching some random documentary when my wife walked in with two glasses and a bottle of wine.

'Shit, Was today a anniversary for something? Fuck maybe it was her birthday, she will kill me if she found out I forgot when it was!'

She placed the glasses on the table and poured the wine inside the two glasses with a cheerful smile. When she was done she sat beside me handing me a glass.

"Happy four year anniversary!" She said brightly.

"Huh?" I got confused.

"While you were in New Zealand it was our 4 year marriage anniversary!"

"Oh ok ,wow four years?"

"It's a little late but cheers for 4 years!" we hit each others glasses lighty

It truly didn't seem like it had been four years. I never believed it but I guess it's true, time does fly when you're having fun.

"Time flies when you're having fun doesn't it honey?" My wife said.

Woah

"Wow you read my mind, I was literally just thinking that!"

"I'm glad it's been fun for both of us" She said happily as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

She gave me deep, long kiss as he held me tightly.

"Im truly happy I found you" She said.

She made me blush a little, It was really embarrassing for someone to directly say something like that to your face

She gave me another kiss, this time longer

"Whats with all the kissing and touching today?" I said with a little bit concerned voice.

She paused and her cheeks went red

"Baka….. I have the right to do what I want after I couldn't see you for 3 weeks…."

And you guessed it, she kissed me again.

It must have been a lonely 3 weeks for her.

"I love you Hachiman"

I Hikigaya Hachiman did not choose:

Isshiki Iroha

Or

Yuigaham Yui

Or

Yukinoshita Yuikino

I chose…

"I love you Saki"


	2. Chapter 2 - Come Together

**Chapter 2 - Come Together**

It still didn't come to me that it had been 4 years since our wedding. People really weren't lying when they said "...feels like it was yesterday!". I remember everything pretty clearly- the cake, the food, the people, family ,etc but what I remembered most clearly was my bride when she had her wedding dress on. She really was beautiful. Her teary eyes before she kissed me, I will never, ever forget. I never realized it when I was in school. After all people really don't notice us fellow loners. _Wait is that why I never got accepted by anyone in middle school? Because no one noticed my face?._ Anyway, that didn't matter anymore. I had the best wife in the world. She truly was a perfect woman to me. She was good with housework, smart, picked things up quickly like cooking, extremely caring for family and on top of all that she was beautiful and she had nice sized (you know what I'm talking about) things on her body, even comparable to…...…who?...i felt like I had the silhouette of someone in my head. For some reason it also reminded me of a dog. Who am I thinking of?. Am I forgetting something important?...

"What's wrong darling?"My wife said turning her whole body towards my side of the bed.

"Huh?"

"Your looked like you were…... thinking really hard... is something wrong?" She said as she touched my cheek.

"Um urrr…"

"Hey you can tell me I'll listen carefully"

It just didn't seem comfortable to explain to her what had gone on in my head just before, I just shouldn't tell her.

"It's really nothing don't worry"

She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"By the way Hachi, I have been thinking something, can I ask you now?"

"Yeah go ahead" I replied.

I wonder what it was, she usually doesn't talk in that manner

"Do you want…... another child soon?" she said looking slightly shy.

I guess now was the best time, Kaaki was now 2 and I had enough savings to move out. It'll be best if I accept her now.

"yeah ….Now will be the best time, Kaaki is now 2 and we have more than enough for a new home"

She looked back at me with a nice smile but then suddenly,

"Hey what are you doing?" I asked with a surprised tone.

She left the bed and started undressing

"Can't you tell?"

"Yeah but do you really want to start right now?"

"Again, I have not seen you for 3 weeks I have the right to do what I want" She said as she entered the bed again but this time undressed.

I guess I was pretty lonely for the 3 weeks aswell, It's best to look at this optimistically. I thought to myself as I took off my pants.

* * *

"You've really changed, Saki"

I told her my raw feelings at those moments to her, she looked towards another direction quickly as she blushed, after showing a surprised expression.

"What do you mean….."

When I first met her she was really, for lack of a better word - Awkward. She paused a lot, never looked into my eyes and just was uncomfortable to talk and be around. Now she can just say things to my face without hesitation or any pauses and she does anything around me without second thought just like when she undressed earlier. Not to mention how much she touches and kisses me in the past 4 years since we got married. I mean she still does pause and seems like her old self occasionally, but i guess that will never change.

"You seem a lot more comfortable around me now. When I first met you, you were always pausing and you always seemed to say less than you wanted..."

"That's because I'm yours now" She said with the most beautiful and cute face imaginable.

I felt like I was gonna melt, She was just that cute and beautiful. I blushed aswell and tried to look away but she stopped me.

"I love you..." she whispered before kissing me

"Goodnight Hachiman" she said as she turned off the lights.

 _DAMN I REALLY DO HAVE THE BEST DAMN FUCKING WIFE IN THE WORLD!_ I thought to myself with what I imagined to be a disgusting and perverted expression on my face

* * *

It was just another normal morning here in Japan. It had been one month now after I had came back from New Zealand. Everything seemed fine. It almost seemed to be too fine. Literally nothing bad was happening so it seemed like something bad was making its way. I was on my laptop in my lounge, I could hear my wife was doing the dishes in the kitchen since the two rooms were only one door apart. I was checking my emails for the day. Just the usual stuff, advertisements, a few business emails and website links. I was about to close my laptop but I paused as one of the emails sender caught my eye.

"Yukinoshita Yukino".

"Oh shit… not this time of the month" I said to myself.

I hovered my cursor on the delete button without hesitation about to click it.

I paused.

Is it best to keep ignoring her?...

I paused again

Even if I do delete it and ignore her I doubt she will stop…...

I started to think.

In highschool I never knew she was so damn resilient.

I paused yet again

Isn't it best if I tell her the truth in her face.

I had to see her and talk to her in person otherwise this will continue for who knows how long.

I got up and went to the kitchen, I had to get my wife's permission. I didn't want to go see another woman without her knowing. After all I wouldn't want her going out to see another man without me knowing so it was only logical that we asked each other and trusted one another.

"Hey Saki I need to ask you something"

"What is it?" She said still being busy with the dishes.

"Can I go see Yukinoshita Its-"

"No" She cut me off while I was still in the middle of my sentence. She said it in a angry tone as she continued washing, it reminded me of the time when she talked to Yukinoshita in the bar years ago.

"You have to understand pl-"

"No you are not seeing that woman" She said cutting me off again

"At least let me finish!" I shouted loudly as she kept cutting me off.

She paused doing the dishes and looked back at me suprised, followed by her looking down.

"You know all the emails she's been sending me for the past…." I started counting in my head.

"6 years now"

She had been sending me the email with the same message asking me to forgive her every month for 6 years now, none of them I replied to. I tried blocking her but she just kept making new accounts. I couldn't just make a new email either as I couldn't just tell a bunch of companies to email my new account and even if I did she will probably just find it anyway.

"I have to make things right, I don't think she knows I'm married now, even I don't want to see her after what she did but I really have to make her understand what I am now"

We both went silent.

"...Would this be the last time you see her?"She said still averting her eyes from me.

I hope so, honestly I really didn't want to see her either.

"I hope so" I replied

"Will, ok…you can see her if it's gonna make her stop and put her on the right path". She said still looking slightly down.

"Thank you, Saki" I said with a smile

She looked back at me with a smile before she continued the dishes again.

I went back inside the lounge and opened my laptop

"Tomorrow,11:30, at the family restaurant outside the main station. Don't be late"

I responded to Yukinoshita for the first time in over half a decade.

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3 - Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

**Chapter 3 - Have You Ever Seen Rain?**

"Ive gotta go now" I said as I placed my shoes on at the entrance of our apartment.

After I told my wife about me having to meet Yukinoshita again she had gone silent. Always looking down and not smiling unlike her usual self. Even Kaaki asked me why she's been looking that way. I couldn't sleep that much last night either. I kept asking myself the same questions over and over again- _What am I going to say to her?, How do I act in front of her? How will she look at me?_. I thought about that for the whole night but I never came up with a answer. Just the thought of me having to meet someone like her again made me uncomfortable.

"...I love you Hachi…." Saki said looking at my eyes for the first time since what seemed like forever. I could notice tears were formed inside them.

 _She must be worried. After all she knows what Yukinoshita did to me..., I don't blame her_

"I love you too, don't worry, that is a fact and it won't change" I replied as I wrapped my arms around her.

We held each other tightly. She sunk her face into my shoulder.

"Bye Daddy!"

My son shouted energetically from the living room, not having a single clue of the situation we were in. Of Course, he was just a kid, He had nothing to do with this so he shouldn't know.

"Bye... son! Listen to your mother!" I replied trying to sound normal and happy.

"Goodbye, I will be back in a couple of hours" I said to my wife as I opened the door.

"Goodbye honey" She said back with a attempted smile. A part of me was happy after witnessing it.

* * *

After we married we moved to Kanagawa. We felt like we didn't want to stay in Chiba after what happened and we both believed that moving to a new prefecture can give us the feeling of a fresh start. We made the right choice. After we moved there I found my job which I still have. Most people we came across were very nice, we found a good neighborhood. Both me and Saki were glad we moved.

I took the train instead of driving there because I wanted Saki to use the car if she needed and there was usually traffic in the morning.

Since we moved to Kanagawa 4 years ago I barely went back to Chiba. Every time my parents or saki's parents wanted to see their grandson they came to us. I only went back to Chiba once to see my parents 3 years ago and that was the last time. The only few times other than that I went even near Chiba was when I went to Narita airport. Saki went back a lot more then me taking my son along. Even after all these years she still really was a siscon. She still talked to her younger sister many, many times on the phone and she went back to Chiba often just to catch up with her siblings and showoff our son. Keika or _Kei-chan_ ended up going to sobu like the rest of us. She grew up to be a really sweet teenager. She was always caring for others and was liked by everyone. At least I assume and hoped so. _And yes she still calls me Ha-chan_. And Taishi...? Actually I don't know what happened to him. Komachi and Taishi didn't seem to stay in contact after they graduated. _Which is a great thing of course._ I honestly don't know why I didn't go back to Chiba much. I guess I just didn't like Chiba after what had happened...

The train was fairly empty. It was pretty packed earlier but most of the salary men got off at Minato station leaving just me and a few other people left in the train. The people left in the train seemed to be people in a similar situation to mine, going to Chiba to go see someone.I guess this was normal for an ordinary Thursday morning. There was about ten minutes left for the ride. I looked outside the window instead of fiddling on my phone for a little bit.

"Wow"

Everything seemed extremely nostalgic. The mountains, the buildings everything.

It left me in a uplifting feeling for some reason.

The rest of the trip I just remained silent staring outside with my mouth open. I may have looked stupid but I did not care at that moment.

* * *

The trip was finished and I got off the train.

Once again another nostalgic feeling hit my entire body.

This was the station I always got off before I met up with the others.

This was it.

I looked around.

Not much had changed, just a few stores here and there were replaced but the whole building remained the same.

I left the station and headed towards the meeting place.

I stood outside the family restaurant still with a rush of nostalgia running through my body.

It was a cold morning in November, the time here in Japan when the whole country enters winter and starts to get chilly.

The weather was fairly bad, The sky was grey and the weather report announced it was likely to rain so I made the right choice of bringing my trusty umbrella with me. _Better safe than sorry, am i right?_.

I wore a jacket and some jeans ,nothing fancy.

I checked the time on my phone.

"10:20AM" .

 _I guess I'll just wait here, there's still a little bit of time left…._ I thought to myself.

The nostalgic feeling ended as if it was absobed from my body.

I started to get extremely nervous. I asked myself those questions again- _What am I going to say to her?, How do I act in front of her? How will she look at me?._

My heart started beating faster than a Yngwie Malmsteen solo[1].

Than the realization struck me.

 _10:20?_

 _..._

 _Was 10:30 the meeting time?._

I dug into my pocket as fast as a bullet and got my phone out, I quickly opened my sent emails section on my email app.

"Tomorrow,11:30, at the family restaurant outside the main station. Don't be late"

 _Fuck._

 _How the hell did I make such a simple and dumb mistake._

I started to walk off.

 _Oh shit, I feel like an idiot for panicking earlier, i guess I'll just waste time somewhere. I should look at the bright side,_ _ _I have a whole hour to myself now ._ I know that it's always better early than late Source. M-_

"Hachiman-Kun!"

I heard a familiar voice I hadn't heard in 6 years behind me.

* * *

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 **I will attempt to start writing longer chapters after this one!**

 **References:**

 **[1] Yngwie Malmsteen is a world class guitarist. Famous for his playing speed**


	4. Chapter 4 - Wasted Years

**A/N- Some people have been telling me that I use OOC. And yes I may but you have to understand, this story takes place 9 years after the events in Oregairu(Its in the summary). People obviously change as time goes on especially when you go from teenager to adult. Do you think 8man or any other character is going to act the EXACT same and look at things the EXACT same way as he did in high school after 9 years?. This is my version of the characters after my version of the story.**

 **Sorry for the rambling, you guys wanted a longer chapter, here it is. I put a lot of effort into it. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 - Wasted Years**

I turned around.

It was her.

It was really her.

Her.

Time literally froze as well as my body did.

The girl stood about 4 meters away from me.

She had on pricey looking boots, probably from some European brand I can't even pronounce.

Above that were a pair of black skinny jeans, her hips were slightly wider than I last remembered.

She also wore a white coat, it suited her well in my view.

Under the coat was a grey, plain cardigan.

Her chest was the same as I last remembered though. ' _Genetics didn't go here way then_ ' I thought to myself.

A blue expensive looking handbag hanging on her slim arms.

Her fashion choice proved that she was now a full adult, she appeared to look much more mature.

Her hair still dark and maybe slightly longer.

I could tell she had put a lot of effort with her makeup. Her facial features didn't seem to change much from when I last saw her, she was still a beauty with those familiar blue eyes, she still lived up to the nickname " Ice Queen" which was given to her a long, long time ago.

Yukinoshita Yukino, was standing in front of my eyes for the first time in 6 years.

Even after all these years I could instantly recognize it was her.

I started asking myself a ton of questions again as I was extremely confused- _Why is she here so early? Didn't I say 11:30? , Why is she still calling me-_

"Hachiman-kun"

She repeated herself but this time from the tone of her voice I could tell she was holding back tears.

It was obvious she was more well dressed then I was, she seemed to have taken a long time to prepare herself before seeing me. I kinda felt like I should have dressed better. My jacket was a little bit stained since I had a can of coffee on the train and some of it spilled on me when the train stopped. My jeans were pretty crumpled as I just pulled it out the bottom of my drawer. My face probably looked pretty bad as well since I didn't get much sleep last night ,resulting me into looking like a zombie from some shitty low budget zombie movie.

As I was staring at her the world felt like it resumed again but this time in slow motion.

Then she suddenly charged at me and grabbed onto me, sinking her face into my chest, grappling her slim arms tightly around my back.

She was muffling but I could tell she was repeating my name, over and over, still with her face sinked into my chest.

"Hachiman-kun…..,Hachiman-kun…."

I was extremely surprised by her actions. I never expected her to react like this when seeing me. I really hoped she didn't notice those coffee stains.

She smelt extremely good. She probably put on some special, expensive perfume beforehand.

I could tell she was grabbing on me with all her force but even then it wasn't that strong.

Behind her neck I could notice she was wearing a silver necklace…. It was familiar...it was the one _I_ gave her.

 _Why does she still have it?_

I just stood there looking down at her. I was speechless.

 _Should I just grab her back? is that wrong?_

 _Fuck. I really hope my wife's not watching, she'll kill me if she sees me like this. Oh my god, she smells so damn good….. NO, ME! Stay calm!, YOU are a married man!_

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a couple of people walking past looking at us weirdly and whispering. I was certain they were talking about us. I realized I had to stop her. But what do I do?.

I decided I'll just separate her from me for now.

I grabbed her shoulders and expanded the distance between us.

She looked at me surprised.

"Yu….Yu...Yuk.." I started to stumble on my words as I was overloaded with mixed emotions ,still holding her shoulders while looking right into her eyes.

She said the words first before I did.

"Hachiman-kun, it's been so long" She said with the familiar voice as she put on a small smile while wiping her eyes.

Silence occupied the atmosphere but this time it felt a little nice for some reason.

The sky still looked pretty bad and it was getting a little colder. I decided to break the silence by asking her the simple question.

"Um…..It's cold here right now so do you want to go to the restaurant right away?" I said pointing to the Royal Host restaurant.

"Sure, anything" She replied. After she said those words I realized she had put on lip balm . Old memories started flashing in my head.

I started walking back towards our meeting place. She surprised me again , this time she grabbed onto my arm.

I was dazed, but I tried to ignore it as we walked inside.

As soon as we entered, the heating welcomed us as it engulfed us. There were about 20 tables in the whole floor. A couple tables were occupied by some couples and a few foreigners. It was nice and clean and the floor had a good atmosphere. I would want to come to a place like this with my family one day.

A female waitress, probably in her early thirties came up to us. Her uniform reminded me of Saki when she used to work back in the day.

"Welcome to Royal Host, table for 2?" She asked us nicely.

"Yes 2 please" Yukinoshita replied with a happy tone .Still hugging my arm before I could answer.

"Smoking section or normal? **[1]** " The waiter asked again nicely.

"Hachiman-kun do you smoke?"

I never liked smoking. I always absolutely hated it when my father smoked in our house. It made the whole room smell extremely revolting and most of the time I lost a little bit of respect for some people when I found out they were smokers.

"Normal please, I don't smoke" I told the waiter.

"Ok, please follow me" The waiter said as she began to walk.

She lead us to a table next to a window where we can see the busy streets and the people.

She finally let go of my arm before she took off her coat.

We both sat down facing each other.

"Here are the menus, please press the ring button when your order is ready, thank you" She said before bowing and walking off.

Me and Yukinoshita both started examining the menu.

Yukinoshita was still looking at hers after I was done looking through mine.

I could notice she wasn't wearing a ring. Obviously indicating she was not married. It gave me a bad feeling. I never wore my ring as I just didn't like the feeling of metal against my fingers, instead I wore it as a necklace. That way Saki was still happy I always had mine with me.

It was still pretty early to have lunch so I figured it was better to just have drinks here and go eat at some other place.

"Hey..., we will just have drinks here, we can just go eat somewhere else later **[2]** " I told her.

She looked back at me with a straight face.

"Okay, then I have chosen" She replied closing the menu.

I pressed the ring button and the waiter quickly came to the table asking for our orders. I asked for the drink bar **[3]** and Yukinoshita asked for a orange ice tea.

As soon as the waiter left we both went silent. I could tell she was staring at me but I tried not to look at her back.

 _This is so awkward what do I do?..._

 _I guess I'll just go to drink bar..._

"Hey I'll go to the drink bar"

"Okay, take your time" she replied calmly with a soft smile looking back at me.

After I filled my coffee I walked back towards our table, I noticed Yukinoshita was looking out the window with her head slightly tilted. Sitting upright with a near perfect posture .

I feel like I have seen this view somewhere….

The feeling of deja vu went through my head.

She was still gorgeous. Her appearance was still the Yukinoshita Yukino I remembered even after all these years. Obviously there were slight differences but overall she was the same.

"Hachiman ...kun?" she said sounding slightly concerned.

I instantly blushed and heated up. I must have appeared like I was standing by the table just staring at her to the other people in the restaurant. I quickly sat back down. I noticed her ice tea had arrived.

"My bad, I felt like I had dej-" I stopped my words as I realized It will be weird and uncomfortable just telling her that.

"Sorry?, dej what?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Its nothing don't worry..."

I had to think of something else to say. I came up with:

"By the way why did you come here so early? I said 11:30 didn't I?"

I genuinely wanted to know the answer to that.

"I did not want to come late, I was anxious that you will leave even if I was a minute late so I came early"

 _Hey, I wasn't that short tempered about time right? I feel like I can wait longer than most people...But anyway isn't a hour a bit TOO early?_

"So you came one hour early?"

"Hey…...it's..Just…..Anyway Hachiman-kun I was wondering have you talked to Yuigahama-san recently?, It feels very nostalgic remembering about our service club" She said trying to change topic. Like how I was earlier.

Yuigahama

That name hit my mind like a left hook from Roy Jones Jr **[4]**.

I had completely forgot about Yuigahama Yui's existence. I could not believe I had forgotten someone who I spent so much time with. Could that had been because we never saw each other after high school?... Will i don't blame her for not wanting to see me...But after hearing her name from Yukinoshita, every memory i spent with her came back into my mind. When we went to Kyoto, When she was baking, her pet dog Sable. I can't believe I had even forgot about the expression she showed when I last saw her, when she had cried her eyes out.

 _I wonder what Yuigahama thinks of me now._

 _Would she have forgiven me by now?._

I hoped so.

"Hachiman-kun"

I snapped out of my short but impactful daydream.

"Hachiman-kun are you fine?, you appeared to be zoning out, it concerns me."

"No, no I'm f, fine…. By the way I haven't talked to Yuigahama since…. You know…that happened...anyway have you talked to her or met her recently? " I asked trying to sound normal again.

"I met up with her often until about two years ago, I still meet her on occasion but she has been busy recently." Yukinoshita replied hesitantly, sounding a little bit sad.

Yukinoshita might know what Yuigahama thinks of me now. I had to ask her.

"Is she still mad with me… or has she even mentioned me since?"

"I'm afraid not. She never mentioned you after you left" Yukinoshita answered.

After hearing about Yuigahama a series of other names I had forgotten reappeared in my head.

Totsuka, Miura, Tobe, Hayama , Zaimokuza, Hiratsuka-Sensei. How the FUCK did I forget about everyone, Is it even possible for a human to lose memory of so many people?.

I then remembered what the doctor had told me after my scooter accident. When we first moved to Kanagawa I rode a scooter but I got hit by a truck and I hit my head on the concrete knocking me out unconscious instantly. I was taken to hospital by an ambulance immediately afterwards. My life was saved thanks to my full face motorcycle helmet Saki always demanded me to wear. After I recovered the doctor told me I had lost memory of some 'minor' things. At first I thought I only lost memory of small things like lock combinations but it turns out I had forgotten about all the people in high school other than Saki and Yukinoshita, even forgetting someone who I had spent so much time with such as Yuigahama. My wife barely talked about high school because she didn't particularly want to remember about it either. I stopped riding scooters since because I didn't want to make Saki worried.

Along with the names questions starting shooting into my mind. _Whats Hayama doing right now after being a member of society? Is Hiratsuka-Sensei married now? Is Zaimokuza still a loser?_. My head felt like it was about to implode after what was going on inside it.

I realized I was zoning out again, so I started off by asking the first question to her.

"How is Hayama doing right now?" I asked trying to sound calm and cool to try and hide the fact that my mind was panicking earlier. I bet Hayama was living great right now, probably employed to a company with a amazing salary or something, along with a bombshell of a wife. Adults say that popular kids in high school don't succeed as they become losers as adults. That bull shit. It's just a way to try and make us losers and loners in high school try feel better about ourselves and look forward to the future . It's not true. 9 times out of 10 losers will always be losers and Winners will always be winners. Popular kids always had charisma and were charming as they had great social skills. Giving themselves a better reason to be employed in the future when they grew up. I was the 1% of loners from high school who ended up in a far, far better place than before.

"He married Miura-san. He's working on starting a business right now." She answered back calmly.

"Wow, Ok" I said back not too surprised.

I found out I wasn't the only high school love bird who ended up being married. Miura ended up marrying Hayama. Huh, no surprises there I guess. I bet his business will make him a fuck ton of money.

"Speaking of marriage is Hiratsuka-Sensei married now? " I asked with a little bit of laughter at the end of my sentence. Hiratsuka-Sensei was always the woman who couldn't find herself a boyfriend. She was kind of seen as the "bad example" of an adult to everyone at school because no one wanted to end up like her when they were her age.

"She married another teacher who came to teach at the school after we graduated. I'm pretty certain Hiratsuka-sensei is slightly older than him. She still teaches at Sobu." Yukinoshita replied like she sounded happy for them.

I truly felt happy for Hiratsuka-sensei, Now she wouldn't have to be insulted by her other friends. I could imagine the expression she would have shown at her wedding, She must have been extremely proud and braggy about it.

"Finally!, I would have been worried if a middle aged woman like her was still single!." I uttered while laughing.

I instantly realized and regretted what I just said.

"Wait, wait please! Please! Don't tell her I said middle aged!" I exclaimed, slightly paranoid. She will go super saiyan and kill me if she found out I said that, Similar to Goku's reactions when Frieza killed Krillin on Namek, Or Gohan's reaction when Cell killed android 16. **[5]**.

"Middle….Aged?..." Yukinoshita blinked a few times with a blank expression.

To my surprise the girl sitting in front of me bursted out laughing.

"Ha-Hachiman kun, you are a fully grown ad-adult and you are still scared of her?, you really are terrible! " she continued as she still laughed, struggling and choking to get the words out of her mouth as she carried on cracking up.

Yukinoshita laughing strangely gave me a…...uplifting feeling. I found it hard to remember the last time I saw her laughing in this manner. But somehow seeing her like this made me relieved. I just smiled and continued to stare at her as she was shaking with laughter.

She suddenly paused and looked back at me with a shocked expression. Looking like she had realized she did something wrong.

"I-m very sorry I didn't mean it" She said while looking back at me.

She was concerned that I might have taken offense to her when she said I'm terrible. I realized at that moment that Yukinoshita wasn't making fun of me or insulting me as much as she used to. It seemed that she was holding those insults back. I bet she was being careful not to make me mad a single little bit. But I honestly wasn't angry, if anything I was happy. Seeing her act like that again made her look like her younger self.

"Don't worry I don't care, I'm used to it." I replied trying to sound like I really didn't care.

Her face showed the expression of relief before she smiled again looking back at me.

We had both finished our drinks, I glanced at my phone and it was 11. We should just go to another cafe or restaurant to eat.

"Hey, now that we've both finished, do you want to get out of here and eat somewhere else?" I asked looking back at her.

"I don't mind, anything you say." she said back still smiling.

We both stood up and got our stuff, I put on my jacket back the same time she put on her coat. She grabbed her handbag and we both walked towards the register.

"That will be 940 yen please" The waiter kindly said.

I dug into my pockets to grab my wallet. After all it was a gentleman's duty to pay for the girl.

But Yukinoshita stopped me by holding my forearm. I was confused. I looked back at her and she said with a soft voice:

"I'll pay Hachiman-kun"

"Hey it's only 900 yen I'll p-"

"No" she exclaimed as she dug into her handbag grabbing her wallet. She gave the waiter a 1000yen note. I was astonished. She had never done something like this ever. Starting from the time we were in the bar with Saki, she always made me pay. Even though it wasn't a expensive price I was still surprised. This further made me feel like she was trying her hardest not to make me a slight bit mad.

"Thank you, we look forward to see you here again!" the waiter said out loud after giving Yukinoshita her change back.

We both walked out the restaurant standing by its sign.

"Um…. Thanks…..Where do you wanna have lunch?" I asked trying not to look at her.

Yukinoshita pointed towards the street on the left side of me.

"Not too far from here there is a newly constructed department store. On the 6th floor there is a nice Italian pasta restaurant. Is it fine if we go there?, I'm certain you will like it"

She obviously knew Chiba better than me now. I hadn't been here in years. I don't have a single clue about the newly built stores or the restaurants so it was better to just listen to her. And obviously since it's Yukinoshita I doubt she will lead us to a bad place.

"Yeah ok, let's go. I'll just listen to you,I haven't been here in ages so I don't know where to go"

I started walking towards the direction she signaled. Yukinoshita carried on walking beside me.

"Hachi….Hachiman-kun...do..you mind if I hold you arm again?" The ice queen requested to me, her cheeks slightly blushed.

I processed those words into my mind. It wasn't going well.

 _Should I let her? I mean it's not cheating right? Would Saki be that mad if she found out? Is it better if I just let her?_

I came to the conclusion I should just let her.

"Do what you want" I said trying my best to sound like I didn't care.

She immediately grabbed onto me. Her light arms grappling around my left arm. Leaning her head into my shoulder.

 _She's so soft...she feels slightly different from Saki..a different type of feeling...Damn me! Snap out of it!_

I stopped talking in my mind and I did my best to stay cool and calm.

We got to the pasta restaurant and it really was top notch. It was pretty expensive compared to some other places but Yukinoshita payed for the whole bill again. I told her I'll pay first but she demanded me that she will. Afterwards we ended up looking around the whole department store. Later on we just started walking and talking just wandering around the city every so often entering a store if it looked mildly interesting .To my surprise we both seemed to enjoy the time we had. She was often smiling and laughing and I was doing the same. I ended up telling her about how I had forgotten about some people in our high school due to my scooter accident. She seemed worried but I told her that I've completely recovered now and that I didn't ride anymore. She had also told me that her sister moved to Canada after being engaged by a Canadian. _Sucks to be him_ I thought to myself. It was now five o'clock and I had to return to Kanagawa since the last train there left at 5:30. She walked with me to the station.

I stood outside the entrance to the station. About to say a goodbye to Yukinoshita. It was now dusk. The sun was going down and the sky was bright orange about to turn black later. The sun was going down so early because it was November. Yukinoshita held onto my arm for the whole day since we left the restaurant.

"I have to head back now" I told her bluntly .

I pulled my arm and she let go, making me free.

Yukinoshita looked down. She seemed to be sad since I was about to leave. I couldn't stay here forever obviously, after all I had a family waiting for me to return.

I was about to turn around and go before saying the last few words.

"Goodbye, Yukin-"

I paused on my sentence after something soft and smooth squeezed my hand.

I noticed she had held my hand.

 _What does she want?, she knows I have to go..._

"Hey, I have to go now" I said softly with a smile. She was still looking down.

"please...please don't leave" she said in a small voice I could barely hear and understand.

I really had to go now, there seemed to be a lot of other people trying to get onto the station.

"I have to go seriously, now" I replied attempting to sound a little bit more serious.

She held my hand with both of hers.

Her soft lips opened.

"I…... "

At that point in time I had been completely oblivious to the reason why I had came to Chiba in the first place.

"I... know what I did was wrong, please forgive me"

I had come to Chiba so I can end ties with Yukinoshita, not so I can have a date with her. How was I so damn ignorant.

She looked up me at me with her beautiful blue eyes. I could notice there were tears formed inside them again. She held my hand tightly.

 _No_

"I still…. love you"

 _No_

 _No, this was not happening_

"I still…. love you Hachiman, please...can i be yours again?"

* * *

 **References:**

 **[1]-In Japanese restaurants its fairly common for there to be a smoking section for smokers.**

 **[2]-Some people just come to these restaurants just to have a drink and talk.**

 **[3]-A drink bar in a Japanese restaurant is somewhere you can fill your own drinks as many times as you want.**

 **[4]-Roy Jones Jr is one of the greatest boxers in history, he was called 'captain hook' for his signature left hook he used KTFO of people (Ya'll Must Have Forgot)**

 **[5]-If you don't get this reference I feel sorry for you.**

 **Authors Note:**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Please give me feedback, a follow and a favorite for more!**


	5. Chapter 5 - All Things Must Pass

**Please Read my A/N on my previous chapter before you read this.**

 **Enjoy**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 - All Things Must Pass  
**

 _Is this the worse case scenario?_

I guess that's up to me so I shouldn't ask anyone but myself.

Yukinoshita continued looking straight at me with her ocean blue eyes.

 _I wonder if she would still call my eyes 'rotten'. She probably will, after all that insult stuck around for the longest. It was like a signature insult or something like that.  
_

Her expression made it seem like she was waiting for a reply, and a good one as she wore a small smile.

She continued to squeeze my right hand tightly. Her small hands were soft and smooth. She carried our hands up, lining it up to her chest height.

Time slowed down again.

I have no idea how long we had been silent for, it may have been 10 minutes or 10 seconds. I really couldn't tell.

She broke the silence first.

"Hachiman-kun…., please I want to make it with you again." She slowly said in a small voice.

I never expected her to be like this.

I had to say something, but my mind went blank.

"I….I.." Even the first letter struggled to come out of my mouth.

"I'm really sorry for what I did to you, please forgive me, I still regret everything to this day." She said out loud ,this time not hesitating to say anything.

"I understand that this is an extremely selfish request but please….., Hachiman-kun, can we be together again?" She said still darting her eye sight into mine.

My mind was still blank.

"Eh….ah…..e…." I just struggled to get anything out of my mouth at that point.

Then suddenly, she let go of my hand.

 _Has she given up?_

She placed her hands around my neck.

 _No._

She closed her eyes. Formed her lips into a very small 'o' shape and slowly began to close the distance between us, inch by inch.

My body was frozen. I could not move.

Time slowed down again.

Everything around me was moving slowly. Even the cars, the people.

I stared at her beautiful face as she was coming closer.

 _No._

 _This isn't right._

 _I can't do this._

 _I have a wife._

 _I have a loving wife waiting for me to return right now._

Everything in my brain was telling me that this is wrong but my physical body couldn't move an inch.

At this point she was so close I could feel her warm breath come out her nose, gently pushing against my lip.

Her lips was about 3cms away from mine.

 _I can't do this._

 _I have to stop this._

Her lips were probably about 5mm away from mine when I finally got the courage to push her.

"Thump"

I pushed her shoulders using both my hands, Immediately making her let go of me. She lost balance. Landing on the ground butt first. She looked back up to me in surprise after she processed in her head what had happened.

"Hachi…..Hachiman-k" She said slowly, finding it hard to say anything. Rain dropped from her eyes. Flowing down her face. Still looking right into my eyes. She was still on the ground looking up at me.

"No, Yukinoshita" I exclaimed.

"Please...Please" She said this time sounding a little bit clearer.

 _Is she expecting me to forgive her and forget everything after what she did? There is no way in hell that was happening._

"What is this bullshit? After all you said and did you are asking me to get back with you?" I exclaimed again.

"I regret everything, please-"

"Do you even have any idea how I felt afterwards?! Or are you just assuming I don't have human feelings?!" I yelled.

"You don't know how much I cried after you walked off either Hachi-"

"Don't fucking call me that anymore" I interrupted her.

There is only one women who deserves to call me that and that is not her.

"It's just…. Please I will do anything" She replied trying to hold back more tears.

She was still on the ground looking up at me. I took a few steps to come closer.

I calmed down. I possibly could have been too harsh. I noticed a lot of people were staring at us. I should reword everything. Maybe that way she might understand me.

"Yukinoshita…...even if we do somehow get together again it's not going to work out, it's going to be a repeat of what happened before. We were never meant for each other and we never will be" I said attempting to sound calm.

I was right. No matter how you put it she wasn't right for me and I wasn't right for her. We were never meant for each other. We were worlds, galaxies, universes apart. She was completely different from me. She grew up from a rich and wealthy family, had good looks, had amazing grades and had spectacular leadership skills whereas I came from an average family, had average looks at best and had decent but not great ,grades especially science. Being completely different may work out in friendships but it never did in relationships, especially our case. Like the famous saying- _Just because two people like each other doesn't mean they are meant for each other._

"We are too different from each other. You are perfect at everything but I'm just a normal guy. People thought you're blind" I said not knowing another way to put it.

"It should not concern you how people look at us!, we were both happy and that was what mattered most! " She replied looking up at me.

I was never actually happy. I always tried to smile and tell myself I was happy with Yukinoshita but deep down I wasn't. I was just too scared to tell myself the truth.

"I don't know if you were happy but I wasn't. I always told myself I was but at the end of the day I wasn't happy at all."

No it wasn't just that. She never trusted me and she never appreciated anything I did. If there was a stupid rumor against me she always believed it, blaming me and insulting me. She was constantly angry at me for stupid things as well. She was completely pessimistic about me. Even though I always treated her like a queen and accepted it.

"It's not just that, You never appreciated all the things I did for you, driving 100kms just to buy you the special edition pan-san on your birthday, skipping class for an entire week so I can look after you when you were sick, Staying awake the whole night just to search for your cat. You never thanked me for those things afterwards ever. And you also never trusted me. If there was a stupid rumor about me having an affair with someone you always believed it even with no proof." I said trying not to look at her.

"Hachiman-kun… I really do appreciate what you did..., I was just too selfish. I know that no other man would do such things. I'm extremely sorry..But I have changed myself now, Please accept me." Tears dropped down her face again.

 _She appreciates what I did now?_

"It's too late now. You should've said that 6 years ago. You're living in the past Yukinoshita. It's time to move on."

"Hachiman-kun, what about all the memories we enjoyed together?, what about all the times you said you will be with me forever? WHERE DID THEY GO?!" She screamed at me.

"I don't look back on it well. People remember the ending of the book more than the beginning or the middle. And you know what the ending was? I don't care how amazing the beginning or the middle may have been but I know for a fact that the ending left me broken!"

I was still right. Like the legend Bernard Hopkins **[1]** said. People remember the ending of the book more than the beginning or the middle.

"Hachiman-kun! I have already repeated, I am extremely sorry. I have changed now, after all these years I realized you were the right man for me. So please, forgive me and accept me!."She screamed out again. Still on the ground looking up at me while shredding tears.

 _Why is she so fucking persistent. Just give up-_

At that moment I realized, when we were talking together earlier I never mentioned anything about my marriage. Telling her about it will definitely stop her.

"You might have changed and regret what you did but I can't get with you, I'm married."

Her eyes widened in shock.

She out cried, burst into tears.

For some strange reason as she cried started to smile and laugh a little. It was a unpleasant sight.

"No...Hachiman-kun stop joking you aren't wearing a rin-"

"You wanna see a ring?! See for yourself!"

I shouted in anger as i pulled out my necklace, grabbing the ring and showing her.

"No...No.. Hach.." she stuttered.

"I married Saki." I said bluntly, looking down at her on the ground.

Her eyes widened in shock again as she stared at the ring.

"It's what I was originally going to give you. It's in better hands now"

More tears dropped down her face.

"Saki has everything you never had."

It was true. Saki had all the good qualities Yukinoshita never had. She trusted me, Cared for me ,believed in me and appreciated me.

"She trusts me and appreciates me all the time unlike you ever did!. She's always thankful about my job and she always shows her appreciation"

Again, she started to chuckle with her eyes still wide . I could tell it was a fake laugh.

"Nice Joke..Ha..Hachiman kun. I- I… Refuse to believe you." She said as she still shook. She looked like a psych ward patient.

"You don't think I'm fucking serious?! Take a look at this then!"

I pulled out my phone and opened the photo albums app. I scrolled down to a photo Komachi took on Kaaki's first birthday. It was a photo of me, my wife and my son standing next to the Sensō-ji **[2]**.

I showed the photo to Yukinoshita.

"Do you see this?!, this is my son and my wife, my family"

She was still frozen. Gazing at my phone. Inspecting the photo and processing it in her mind.

"He's two years old now, hes my boy."

"Ha,...Hachi...What , what about our baby?.." She said still stuttering and shaking.

"Again, Stop living in the past. We aren't together. Those two are my world now. Not you. Move on Yukinoshita." I said bluntly. Locking my eyesight into hers.

I could tell a flood of emotions hit her at once. Anger, Sadness, Envy… It really wasn't a pleasant sight.

She burst into tears again but this time worse, screaming.

She tilted her head down to the concrete. Still crying and screaming. She was crying like a baby out loud.

A bunch of people around us stopped and stared as she was screaming her lungs out .

Never in my life have I ever seen anyone cry in this fashion.

This was how things had to end. There was no way it could have ended well.

 _I did what was right._

I took two steps closer to her and looked down.

I said the last words.

"Goodbye Yukinoshita"

I turned around and I was about to head to the train ticket machine but something grabbed my leg.

I looked back.

It was her. Clenching onto my leg, still crying, looking down.

 _Oh god._

"I said goodbye, now let go!"

I just stood there looking at her.

But her words caught me.

"Hachiman-kun... I will always love you."

 _Has she not given up yet?_

To my surprise she let go after saying that.

I walked off.

I bought the ticket and went inside the last train about a minute before it left.

Along the whole way until I entered the train, I still could hear Yukinoshita crying.

* * *

The train ride back was rather…..weird. Not many people were on the train surprisingly. I couldn't tell what my feelings were at that point. My mind had the image of Yukinoshita weeping engraved in it. That was all I could think of. I kept repeating the questions "Is that how I should have done it?" " Is she gonna get over it?" "Was what I did right?". I asked myself this even though beforehand I thought I was right. I thought I was always good in these types of situations. I didn't feel bad for Sagami back in high school…. After I last saw Yuigahama I guess I have become a little bit soft. Anyway, I shouldn't think about it much. It probably is the last time I will ever see her. Remembering what she did to me when we broke up made shouting at her a lot easier. I have to move on as well.

The ride was finished. It was about 7:30pm, pitch black outside. I considered grabbing something for my family but I realized it was better to just get back home earlier. It ended up taking about 15 minutes to get back to the apartment from the station. When I finally got home and opened the door I was welcomed by my wife in a apron.

"Hachi!" She said as she hugged me.

"Yo..."

 _This is my wife._

 _This is the girl I love._

 _Not Yukinoshita._

"How was it?" She said sounding worried, letting go of me.

"I told her everything." I said calmly.

We both went silent.

"Thank god, me and Kaaki already finished dinner and yours is still on the table, do you wanna bath first or eat first?" She said in relief.

"I'll eat first."

She kissed me on the cheek and pulled my hand, taking me to the dining area. Kaaki was in his pajamas playing on the wooden floor with his car toys. He noticed me immediately.

"Daddy!" He squeaked, leaving his toy and coming up to me.

I patted my treasure on his small head with a smile on my face.

"Dij you tsee Grandma in Chiba?"

"No son I went to...meet someone."

I didn't know how to explain what I did to him.

"Ok!, Daddy play dish with me later!" He ran back to his toys and continued playing. I was glad he didn't ask any further about my trip. Even though he probably won't understand.

I sat on the table. On top was some pork cutlets and rice all covered in glad wrap.

"Do you want me to heat it up in the microwave honey?" Saki asked as she was wiping the table.

"It's fine I'll have it how it is"

I started to dig in. It was good as all the other dishes Saki made. Saki's always did her best to make the food delicious. She really could be a chef and start a restaurant. Saki truly was a great mother and wife.

My wife took off her apron and sat across me on our 4 seater dining table. Both her elbows on the table, her chin rested on her hand she asked in a serious tone.

"Does Yukinoshita understand now?"

That should be the first thing she asks, obviously that's what I went to Chiba for.

"I told her. It wasn't that easy though."

It wasn't as simple as me just saying ' I'm married'

"So do you think she's…..over it now?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Yukinoshita has to be over it now. I completely destroyed her verbally and I told her about my new life and who I am now.

"Um….well you can tell me more about it later... Anyway, how was Chiba for you?"

* * *

 **This isn't the end of the story! I still have to explain:**

 **-What happened to Yui**

 **-Yukino and 8mans past**

 _ **After that I'll explain,**_

 **-How 8man and Saki met**

 **In a review tell me what you want to see first, I will do some omake stuff before tho.**

* * *

 **References:**

 **[1]-Bernard Hopkins: A legendary boxer who has the record for the oldest person to win a world title at 49 years of age.**

 **[2]-Sensō-ji: A famous Japanese temple in Asakusa**

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Thanks for reading, Favorite and follow for more!**


	6. Chapter 6 - No Remorse

**Chapter 6 - No Remorse**

 **This chapter starts off right after the last one.  
**

I guess going back to Chiba after 6 years was a... OK experience. It felt nice seeing the familiar places after so long. It made me feel younger for a short period of time.

"It was alright, I guess"

"You guess?"

"When I left the station it made me feel like a high school student again."

"Isn't that a good thing."

"I'm not even sure myself."

I don't really know how I should look back on my high school days. It had it's ups and downs. But if it wasn't for me going to Sobu, I would never had met Saki. So I guess I should thank Sobu for that.

"Then...When you said it wasn't easy earlier what did you mean?"

I sighed. She was talking about me meeting Yukinoshita.

"It was a fuc-"

Before I was about to finish the f word I remembered that my son was in the room.

"... It was a 'freaking' disaster""

Saki's eyes fully opened.

"What?!" She said sounding paranoid.

"I mean, everything was completely unexpected."

While on my train ride to Chiba, I thought it will all end after I just talked to her. I never even came close to thinking I would go on a date with her. Everything turned out extremely badly.

I sighed again.

I ended up telling everything to Saki. The restaurant, going to the department store, everything. I even told her about the the time she grabbed me and when she tried to kiss me. She listened closely and calmly.

I was done explaining and Saki was left with a depressed expression.

"Hey...you really didn't kiss her right?." She asked.

I would never cheat on Saki. She was the only women for me. In our five and a half years together I never even thought about cheating. And I knew she would never cheat on me either. After all, our trust was there. Unlike my relationship I had with Yukinoshita.

"No, I really didn't. She was close but I managed to stop her. You know I wouldn't do such thing."

Silence occupied the room.

"Ok...I believe you" She said as she sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me.

"So no more emails from her right?." She continued.

I really, _really_ hoped so.

"I hope so."

She smiled and squeezed me tighter.

* * *

"I'll look after Kaaki while you go to the supermarket."

As a family we all went to a nearby shopping mall. We had picked up a couple of new clothes for Kaaki and after we were done Saki wanted to go to the supermarket on the first floor.

I figured I should look after our son while Saki shopped so she could look around freely and since I didn't need to look for anything anyway.

"Are you really fine with that?"

"I don't really need anything there anyway, it'll be fine"

We walked over to the children's play area on the third floor. Saki bent down and patted Kaaki's head.

"You be good with daddy while mommy is shopping ok?" She said out cheerfully along with a slightly childish voice.

"Yesh mommy!" The youngest family member said energetically.

She stood up straight again and said "I'll take about half an hour"

She kissed me and waved to the two of us as she walked off.

I sat down where all the other parents were around.

"You can go play" I said to my boy.

"Ok Daddy!" he said as he ran inside the play area.

There were about five other kids in the place.

Kaaki didn't have my 'rotten' eyes thankfully. Instead he had his mother's beautiful eyes but he had my dark hair. His hairstyle was not the same as mine though. He had short smooth hair. After all he was one half Saki and one half me.

He started playing with his toy car he bought from home . He always had that thing with him. My son loved cars, all his picture books were about cars and he pretty much exclusively watched car cartoon shows. I really hope he doesn't become a race car driver when he's older because I don't want him to end up like Niki Lauda.

Some other kid stood beside him and stared at his toy car.

 _If he even thinks about taking my sons c-_

Kaaki noticed him and smiled back, afterwards he handed over the toy car to the other boy.

The two young boys started playing together.

I was impressed.

He was pretty friendly to other people so naturally, he made new friends easily. Both me and Saki were loners but our kid ended up being pretty social. It will be great if this carries on when he's older . I hope he doesn't end up as a loner like us. I don't want him having the same experiences as me. After all you want your kids to have a easier life than yours.

I just continued watching over my son play with his new friend. Seeing your kid smile was the most beautiful sight in the world. Not just for me but for any parent, I imagine.

A smile was on my face as well.

I was happily watching them until I heard a voice.

"Hikitani….kun?"

I looked to my left.

A lady in red glasses, probably around my age was looking towards my direction.

 _I feel like i have heard the name before… sounds similar to my name_

I assumed in my head that 'Hikitani-kun' was another parent sitting down near me. I just continued looking at my son.

"Hey, its really you, Hikitani-kun! Wow it's been so long!"

The lady now stood beside me.

I looked to the right of me but all the other parents didn't notice.

 _Is this person talking to me?_

She was looking at me. Now I was sure she was talking to me.

I looked at her one more time.

I did not recognize her.

"um ….. Sorry to ask but are you talking to me?" I said uncomfortably.

The lady looked right at me.

"Yes! Hikitani-kun! It's me Ebina!" She said energetically.

 _Ebina? Do I know this person?_

I tried to remember someone with that name. I couldn't remember anything about a person named Ebina. I did not know this person.

 _What's this person on about? She's probably mistaking me for someone else…_

"I'm sorry to tell you, my name is Hikigaya, you are probably mistaking me for someone else."

She didn't react in any way.

"I know! Don't you remember me? We were in the same class at Sobu!"

 _Huh? Did this person really go to Sobu?_

 _..._

"Did you seriously forget me? You asked me out in Kyoto remember!"

From that line everything clicked in.

 _Yes! Now I remember! Ebina Hina_

"Oh Ebina, Now I remember!"

"Last time we saw each other was after graduation! Been so long!"

She hadn't changed much. She now had more of a mature look.

"Am I really that unmemorable?... Haha….." She said sounding a little bit sad.

 _I should tell her about the accident_

"No, it's not that. A few years ago I hit my head in a scooter accident and I forgot a lot of things especially high school stuff."

"Wow, ok. Thank god!" She said as she laughed.

 _Is she fucking thankful I almost died? Haha very funny isn't it…..._

"Anyway what are you doing here?" Ebina asked.

"I live here in Kanagawa now"

"Oh wow, When did you leave Chiba?"

"4 or 5 years ago."

"Then what are you doing in front of the play area then."

 _Do I just appear like a pedophile to her?_

"My sons playing here right now."

Ebina's gave me a extremely surprised look

"are you joking? You having a son?"

I sighed.

"Kaaki! Come here!" I called out to my son as I gestured my hand.

He quickly came up to me looking a little bit worried.

"Daddy, dij I do chumthing wrong?"

I patted his head.

"This is Kaaki, he's two years old, Say hello to this lady Kaaki"

"Hello!" My son said energetically as he waved his small hands and smiled.

Ebina looked more surprised.

"Oh my gosh! He's so cute!" She said before patting his head.

"Can i pick him up?"

Nothing wrong with that, I guess.

"Sure, go ahead"

She picked him up started making funny faces to him. Kaaki being the nice boy that he is, laughed along.

Ebina eventually put him down and Kaaki returned to the play area.

"Did you marry Yukinoshita-san? I heard from Hayama-kun you two started dating after graduation"

 _Even she knew I went out with her?_

"No we broke up after two years."

"Wow...Sorry…...Then…"

She went silent and looked down after saying those three words.

 _Why does she look so depressed?_

She quickly looked up with here glasses shining.

"DID, YOU AND HAYAMA-KUN START GETTING FRIENDLY WITH EACH OTHER AFTER YOU BROKE UP?!"

Wow. I completely forgot about the fact that she was a fujoshi.

"Um... no…" I answered awkwardly.

 _I have to change the topic_

"Anyway what are you doing here in Kanagawa?" I asked.

"My cousin lives here and I came to visit."

She returned to her 'normal' form.

I wonder how many of my old classmates stayed in Chiba. Maybe she knows.

"Hikitani-kun are you even married? You aren't wearing a ring"

"Yeah I am, It's just tha-"

"Hachi!"

I noticed Saki was standing behind Ebina, holding a plastic bag with the groceries. She looked worried. It reminded me of the time when She came to pick up Keika at the kindergarten, years ago. Soon after she said that Ebina looked behind herself.

"Sakisaki?"

Sakis worried expression turned into a surprised one.

"Ebi...na?"

Ebina turned her head back towards me. She pointed her finger towards Saki while still looking at me.

"Hikitani-kun is she your...?"

I nodded. For some reason it felt embarrassing.

The two girls froze looking confused.

"SAKISAKI!"

Ebina went up to Saki and her glasses shined again.

"You married Hikitani-kun?!, You have a child with him?!,How did you two meet?!, How long have you been together?!."

She started asking a bunch of questions to Saki. Saki just looked at her confused. Not knowing what to do.

"Um…..Er…...Ah….."

The four of us ended up going to a nearby Cafe and talked. She told us that she recently broke up with her boyfriend because her boyfriend didn't like what Ebina was making him do, which apparently involved more than one man. _Jesus I don't blame him._ She still really liked BL light novels. I told her that I'm an author now ,and when she asked what novel I wrote, she said she had read it before. I use a pen name on my novels so people usually don't recognize me. She gave me feedback about the novel and it seemed pretty useful so I jotted it down on my phone. Saki surprisingly seemed to enjoy the time as well . After we had talked for about an hour we figured it was time to go since Kaaki looked pretty tired. Saki and Ebina exchanged phone numbers and we said our goodbyes.

* * *

After a long and eventful day we had all gone to bed. Most nights before we crash both me and Saki have our lights on. She usually reads her book and I usually finish some work on my laptop or read as well. When I was about to turned the lights off that night Saki hesitantly asked me.

"Hey Hachi…. Can I ask you something?"

I wonder what she's going to ask me this time.

"Go ahead"

She fidgeted a little bit.

"Um…...when you said 'I love ya' to me back in High school, during the school festival …...Did you really mean it?

 _Huh?_

I had no idea what she was talking about. I vaguely remember the high school festival but I couldn't remember anything about me saying those words.

"I said that? I can't remember"

"Really?!, you ran up the stairs, puffing and you asked me if I was on the roof earlier'

I still had no idea of saying that.

"I'm..sorry I have no idea what you're talking about"

"You were looking for Sagami and I told you the roof door from the middle stairs has a broken lock"

The image of me questioning Saki came up in my mind.

"Oh, I remember now" I said calmly

"So did you mean it when you said 'I love ya?!'" She said sounding more desperate than ever.

I now remembered the part when I asked Saki if she had been on the roof but I couldn't remember when I said 'I love ya'.

"I still can't remember saying that."

She sighed with disappointment.

"Baka...I couldn't get that off my mind for weeks you know…..If it wasn't for your accident you might know..." She said as she blushed not looking at me.

 _Damn, did I make her mad?._

 _Actually, for some reason I feel like I would've forgot saying that anyway, even if I didn't hit my head._

We both went silent.

After about half a minute of silence i was about to say goodnight but Saki broke the silence first.

"And Hachi… something else….this is more…..personal…. towards…... you, can I ask?' She asked hesitantly.

"Sure, go on"

 _Personal?_

"I know this isn't something I shouldn't ask but…..."

Whatever it was it seemed pretty hard to ask.

"...Was your first time with Yukinoshita?"

 _Ouch._

That question hit me hard. I really didn't want to answer that.

"I'm not going to answer that"

She put on a more serious face.

"Please tell me, I want to know now."

I sighed.

 _Maybe she might be more mad if i don't tell her._

I should say it.

"I'm sorry…. Yeah …...Yukinoshita was the first girl I slept with."

Saki frowned.

I hated to say it.

She gave me another look as if the things she was about to say was very difficult for her.

"So then she's…..she's the first girl you kissed right?"

 _Ouch._

 _Damn, that hit me hard as well._

"Are you really sure you want to know this stuff? I mean I don't think husbands should talk-"

"Please tell me, I know you're mine now so I won't be mad." She said in a more serious tone, trying to sound confident.

She kissed me and looked at me,leaving her hand on my cheek, waiting for an answer.

 _Should I say it?_

I should just spit it out.

I breathed in heavily.

"My first kiss wasn't with Yukinoshita or with you" I said as I exhaled.

She looked astonished.

"Then...who?"

This is probably the last chapter for a month because I will be overseas, but I will continue doing weekly chapters during my trip if this story gets 90 follows.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading. Yuigahama and 8mans past is next!. Follow for more!.  
**


	7. Chapter 7 - Glory days

**I'm sorry for not updating recently. I had been in London 3 weeks during Christmas but now I am back at my home and I should be able to update once a fortnight.**

 **HUGE thanks to nganle200**

* * *

 **Chapter 7 - Glory Days  
**

Graduation Day. The last day of school for everyone. A day full of tears for some, a day full of hope towards the future for some, and a day that remarks the end of the easiest chapter of their life for some.

I had managed to avoid becoming something every third-year student across Japan tried their hardest not to become.

A Ronin.

The word Ronin was first used in the feudal era of Japan. Back when samurai literally roamed the streets of Edo. It was a word used to describe a samurai without a leader, a goal, an ambition. A samurai could become a Ronin in multiple different ways: his master might die or fall from power, or the samurai might lose his master's favour or patronage and be cast off. The word Ronin's root meaning is "a person of nothing". These samurai who became known as Ronin were looked down upon by others as they were considered unworthy and cowards.

Now, in the modern era of Japan where samurai do not exist anymore, the word Ronin is used to describe High School students who failed their university entrance exams. These people are called Ronin because they are no longer a student or a working adult. They become "a person of nothing." Just like the Ronin during the feudal era.

Ronin across Japan study all year long and take special classes along with other Ronin in hopes of passing the entrance exam the following year. These people are always desperate to lose their Ronin status.

But some people even voluntarily become Ronin. Some people who pass their entrance exams cancel their entrance and choose to apply for a better university.

In some cases, people can be a Ronin for years and years.

I had managed to pass my entrance exam smoothly as I studied my ass off.

I struggled to walk through the stampede of people trying to get out of the school hall. I gripped my scroll tightly as I attempted to squeeze out of the main group of people. As my body was getting pushed from all angles I felt a breeze of air push against my hand. I took the opportunity and slipped out. Brushing my hair with my hand I looked up. The main grounds were flooded with all of the graduated third-year students. Most people were standing around in groups holding their certificate scrolls. A bunch of them were hugging, crying and talking. The sun was still up, but it was hidden behind all of the clouds.

I had a weird feeling inside my head. It didn't get to me that today was the last day of school for me. These three years seemed to just speed past. The graduation ceremony was EXTREMELY boring. While most other high schools had each classroom go up on the stage in order, Sobu still had the system where each and every student got their named called up one by one to receive their scrolls. This meant it took ages. Four hours to be exact. My ankles hurt like crazy after standing up for that long. Hayama represented the third year students with his graduation speech, Iroha did the second year students speech and some other guy I've never seen represented the first year students. To be honest I couldn't even comprehend what any of them were saying as I was half asleep. Not that I care anyway.

There was something I had now which I never expected to have. A vision. A goal. I now had the dream of becoming an author after graduating university. Why I wanted to become an author is a story for another day.

Walking past the clumps of people through the school grounds I only had one thing on my mind - Rest. I just wanted to lie on my bed all day to reward myself for the work I put into these 12 years of school. Something surprising was that I was not too hungry which means I can go rest on my bed immediately.

Most other groups are probably going to have graduation parties now. But as I was a loner, I obviously wasn't invited to any of them. Not that I want to go anyway.

As I continued to walk, the open gates of the school appeared in front of me. I was now officially about to leave school as a student for the last time. Exhaling deeply I noted to myself.

 _This is it. I'm not a student anymore. It was a pretty bland school life…. Except for maybe high school…I have to move on….Lets see what the future has in place for me.  
_

I straightened up my spine, put my chin up and attempted to take my first step out the school.

But a familiar voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Hikki!"

It was a nickname I was now completely used to. The first few weeks she called me by that name I was a little bit weirded out. But now that reaction isn't there anymore.

I immediately recognised the owner of that voice.

I shifted my head back to see her.

"Hikki….." The voice said. She appeared to have chased after me. After stopping in front of me she immediately looked down and started to pant.

She continued to look down and pant as her bun shook. "Hikki…." She regained her breath. "I called your name lots of times, were you ignoring me?!" She said as she looked at me with a semi-angry expression.

I never realised she was calling my name.

"No… I just couldn't hear you… my bad." I answered hesitantly.

She broke her angry expression and put on her signature smile.

"We are going to a karaoke to celebrate our graduation! Come with us Hikki, Yukinon and Iroha-chan will be there too!" Yuigahama pointed towards a group of people standing under one of the blossom trees. I could see Hayama, Iroha, Miura, Ebina-san, Totsuka and the other usual people standing there and chatting. I noticed Yukinoshita was there too, but she was standing a few metres away from the main group by herself.

A party. Something I was never really used to. I usually just sat in the corner while everyone else enjoyed themselves. I don't really see how this one will be different.

 _Should I really go?._

 _I bet most of them wouldn't want me there anyway._

 _It will probably be better for me not to go, for them and for myself._

I turned around and faced my back to her before giving my response.

"I'll just be in the way of everyone. Go without me"

I resumed my attempt to walk out the gate.

"No, Come on! It's the last day! Come with us!"

I felt something grab me. I looked back and saw Yuigahama now grabbing my forearm using both her hands.

 _Why does she seem so desperate?_

"Hey Yuigahama, Don't mind me. Just go have fun. No one wants me there anyway. Let go."

She was now pulling my forearm while leaning back.

"No Hikki! I need you!"

We both instantly paused after hearing what she said.

 _Huh?_

 _Need me?_

 _For what?_

 _..._

"What do you mean 'need me'"

Yuigahama stared at me, her big eyes wide open. She held that position for half a second before looking away. Her cheeks immediately reddened. She probably said those words unintentionally.

"No, it's just….."

"AHHHH! Hikki! You're coming no matter what! "

She turned around as she pulled me towards the group.

"Guys, Hikki said he will come along as well!" She said as we approached the group, still pulling my wrist.

 _What the fuck are you on about?! You just dragged me in!_

Everyone standing there looked at us. Iroha was the first in line to say something.

"Senpai, Yay! You're coming too!".

Miura just looked at me, she turned on her angry eyes as she crossed her arms.

 _Geez… What did I do?_

Yukinoshita also noticed me and stepped closer.

I have been in this situation maybe a hundred times now. First, she sees me, secondl, she walks closer and lastly she gives me a harsh but smart insult.

 _What are you gonna say this time, Yukinoshita._

This time for some reason, it felt - different.

She came a step closer than usual. A brief smile showed on her face, her cheeks pink.

"I'm happy you are coming, Hikigaya-kun."

Her long black hair waved with the wind behind her as she said those words.

 _Huh?_

 _Did I mishear that?_

We both stared at each other in silence.

 _What?! She's not insulting me? What is this? I was expecting her to say "Oh Hikigaya-kun I bet your singing skills are worse than a monkey so don't sing" or something along those lines._

I stumbled on my words as I looked away, avoiding her gaze.

"Y-Yeah…"

"Now that Hikki's here, that's everyone, Let's go!" Yuigahama said energetically as she threw a fist into the air.

As a group, we all headed towards the main city to find a Karaoke. There were about 10 of us. As we all walked I just stayed in the back by myself as everyone else chatted. I kept thinking in my head _Why didn't I just walk out the gate sooner!._

We eventually found a Karaoke place that had a room for all of us to fit. It was a Jankara. Hayama went up to the counter to pay money and grab the key. Thankfully, Hayama paid for all of us. Thank god for rich boys like Hayama.

The whole group went up to the 6th floor to enter the room Hayama had rented for the next couple hours. Hayama had gotten the biggest room they had, It included 4 TVs, maybe 8 couches, a mini stage for the singer and a private drink refill station. It was more than enough space for all of us. Everyone in the room started to thank and praise Hayama for finding a place like this.

"Don't worry guys….., it's on me. I insisted this." Hayama said soothingly as everyone praised him.

"Hayama-kun! I feel like I won't find a good friend like you in the future! You set my standard too high!" Tobe said back.

Hayama laughed lightly as Tobe stood in front of him.

"Haha...Just really don't worry, What I want most is for you guys to have fun…..Hey, what if we all have cheers before we begin the party?"

"That's a great idea! Let's do that!" Yuigahama answered.

After hearing Yuigahama's reply everyone in the room got up and filled up their own drinks before sitting around the main table. Everyone extended their arms, drink in hand over the table. Ready to toast with everyone. I just sat there watching as if I wasn't there.

 _Again….. Everyone forgot about my existence…._

But something stopped my train of negative thinking.

"Senpai? Aren't you going to join?" Iroha questioned.

I looked at her in slight surprise.

 _I'm allowed to do it?_

"Wait….I can join in?"

Hayama sighed before looking back at me.

"Of course, after all, you are one of our close colleagues."

He had his fake smile on but this time it didn't bother me for a unknown reason.

"Hachiman, you're here with us. Just enjoy yourself. Ok?" Totsuka said with the best smile imaginable.

 _Totsuka~_

"Hikigaya-kun, We invited you to come all this way and you expect us to leave you out? How stupid of you. Who do you think we are?" Yukinoshita said as she crossed her arms.

 _Oh, ok there it goes. It was weird you didn't insult me earlier._

Even though it was an insult, It still mildly felt heart warming.

"O-Okay I'll join"

I lifted up my ice coffee and brought my hand close to the others.

I could see everyone else had a smile on. This time even Hayama's didn't look fake.

"3,2,1…..Congratulations on Graduating!" Everyone said loudly in-sync as we all hit other's glasses.

I was super confused at that point. Why is everyone being so nice and caring right now towards a loner like me?. Doesn't everyone hate me?.

 _Wait._

I stood there frozen as an idea hit my brain harder than a George Foreman 1-2.

 _Can it be?_

 _Am I being baited to a corner?_

 _..._

That kinda explains things. Like how everyone is being nice to me and Yukinoshita showing gratitude towards me.

I have to keep my guard higher and be more cautious

"Ok, Now let's start the singing!" Yuigahama announced cheerfully with one of the microphones in her hand.

The first song's music video started playing on the TV.

Ebina-san and Yuigahama stood on the mini stage ready to go.

"Hehe….I'm not too good so don't expect too much…." Ebina-san said reluctantly

"Hina! Don't worry, Just have fun, that's all that matters here!" Yuigahama replied as she lightly slapped Hina's back.

Come to think of it, this is the first time I've heard Yuigahama sing since… God knows how long.

The music kicked in and the two started to sing. It was a pop song I had a heard a few times but I never knew the title.

"Woah!"

"Yeah, you two are so good!"

Everyone in the room started to cheer and complement the two as they sang.

The two sang in-sync but it was pretty evident that Yuigahama was the better singer. She had a great voice and the ability to keep in perfect pitch. With her looks, skill and talent, the idea of becoming an idol one day is not too far fetched.

I leaned back against the couch and continued to listen.

The song finished and everyone clapped loudly.

"Senpais, that was amazing!" Iroha exclaimed.

"Haha, thank's everyone!" Yuigahama said before doing a slight bow.

"Yeah, thank's!" Ebina-san followed along.

"Yeah, You are really good. I was really impressed when I first heard you sing at the school festival 2 years ago." Hayama said as he stopped clapping.

Immediately, the whole room went silent after hearing that sentence.

Miura stood up, both her hands in a tight fist.

"Hayama, I can sing well too you know!" She said, half blushing.

She speed walked up to Ebina-san and said the words, "Give me the microphone!". She then proceeded to snatch the mic from Ebina-san, leaving her with a shocked expression.

 _Woah, What is this? Xfactor but with Hayama as a judge? Seems interesting._

She selected a song on the tablet at the front and the intro music started playing.

Her mouth opened swiftly and she began.

* * *

After around 1 hour of everyone taking turns to sing, Hayama decided that we should all take a break and just relax for a while. Everyone started talking to each other and I was probably forgotten again. Since I didn't sing I just kept refilling my iced coffee and drinking it, which left my bladders filled to the brim. Now was the perfect moment for me to go to the restroom as I didn't want to seem rude leaving the karaoke room earlier while someone else sang.

I opened the door to exit the room and went out to the hallway. looking around a few times, I noticed the sign on the wall which told the direction towards the restroom. As I speed walked around a few corners I let out a loud yawn. Surprisingly, I was a tiny bit sleepy despite all the loud music I had heard earlier.

The restroom smelt terribly bad and was super small, despite this floor having super nice karaoke rooms. As soon as I entered, I quickly did my thing, washed my hands and dried them as fast as humanly possible. I swung the door open as I stepped out. I gasped for fresh air as I held my breath for most of the time I was in that abomination. My hands were still a little bit wet as I had not completely finished drying them. Flicking both my hands on my blazer I strolled back towards our room.

 _Room?_

At that moment, I realised something I should've known. My room number. When we first entered the room I never looked at the room number properly as everyone just kind of barged in at once. I should have taken a look at it when I just left earlier. What was I gonna fucking do now?

Usually, karaoke room doors will include a small window, but as these were the high-class rooms, they did not include one for full privacy.

My heart beated rapidly as I stood there, wondering. I couldn't just open each door one by one. I didn't have my phone with me as I left it in the room to charge.

I was left with one choice. It was to go the lobby and ask which room was used under the name 'Hayama'... But won't I just look suspicious? Would the people at the counter even tell me?...But that's my only option right now…

I slouched a little bit more than usual, a dead expression on my face as I made my way towards the elevator.

But I noticed a familiar figure standing there.

Hayama!

He was looking down, without his smile this time. Leaning his back against the wall between two doors. Come to think of it, why is he standing there by himself? Shouldn't he be the centre of attention back in the room?

At least he can now tell me what room we were in.

I stood beside him as he looked at me. He put on his small smile back on but his eyes suggested that he wasn't in his happiest mood. My mouth opened, ready to ask the question but his words came out faster.

He breathed out deeply before asking me.

"Hikigaya, can we talk?."


	8. Chapter 8 - Take it easy

3 questions.

There were 3 important questions I was asked in my life. If I reacted to any of those questions differently, my life would have gone in a completely different direction. Would I be in a better spot right now if I had answered any of those questions differently? Probably not. The first of those 3 questions was asked to me on graduation day. I do not know if my life would have been better if I responded to her question differently, but something I do know is that it would have worked out better than Yukinoshita.

A question I asked myself often was: What is a destiny and is it real?. Sure, the oxford definition of destiny is "The events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future", but that still left me thinking. Is life a road trip where everything such as the routes and accommodation is already chosen and booked for you? Or is it up to the driver to get lost, find new places, stay in new places and make things better for himself?. Maybe I was destined to answer those questions the way I did. Maybe I am living my life the way it was already planned out. But also, maybe it isn't up to me to find out.

Hayama yanked his hands out of his pockets.

I just continued to look at him with a straight face, trying to imply with my eyes that I was curious about what he was about to say.

"What university are you going to?" He asked, his voice sounded calm and collected like he was not expecting anything.

It's no surprise that he doesn't know. Afterall the only person outside of my family who I told about what university I was going to was Yuigahama and she's not really a person who would blab on about my personal things.

"I'm going to Hitotsubashi university." I said with a air of carelessness.

Hayama's whole body twitched the slightest bit.

"Oh, okay. I'm a little surprised, didn't think you will be in such a high grade one. What are you going to take there then?"

I rolled my eyes. Even nice guy Hayama overlooks my work ethic and dedication.

"I'm going to study in Japanese Literature." I responded.

Hayama's eyes opened slightly wider for a couple seconds, before they went back to their normal form.

"Japanese literature…."

He crossed his arms and looked downwards. The only thing distracting the silence in the hallway was the sound of the songs leaking through the other karaoke rooms.

"That's not really a popular course is it?" He restarted.

"No, I heard that only about 60 people take it each year"

"Interesting choice from you….." Hayama said as he breathed out slowly, leaning his back against the wall again.

I first considered applying for Chiba University but I wanted to be more independent and away from my family. I wanted to learn how to rely and look after myself further as I don't know how long I will be alone in the future. Hitotsubashi University had the best Japanese literature course in all of Japan and I badly wanted to get in. To become a good solid author it felt to me it was vital to understand and comprehend the roots of writing.

Come to think of it, what was he taking? I remember the time when Miura and everyone was overreacting on not knowing what his career path was, but that faded away after a few weeks.

What was he going to do? Be a lawyer? Be a doctor? Be a businessman? Be a professional soccer player and join the samurai blues? It's Hayama we are talking about, I hate to admit it but his options are endless.

I collected the all the courage inside my body and stepped forward.

"Then what….university and course are you going to take?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked at me and wore his smile before tilting his head down again.

"I passed my exam for Keiyou university"

After hearing his reply I couldn't help but be surprised. He had the confidence of applying for Keiyou and not only that, he got in. Keiyou university is one of the top 3 highest ranked universities in all of Tokyo..

I exhaled calmly, trying to look like I wasn't stunned. Although my reaction earlier probably gave it away.

"But I cancelled the entrance."

 _Huh?_

 _What?_

"Say again?"

"I cancelled my entrance for Keiyou. I'm going to be a Ronin for a year." He responded, sounding a little bit sharper

My eye's stretched out to it fullest as my whole body tensed up. I just couldn't comprehend his words. Thousands of hardworking student's apply for Keiyou every year and not even half of them pass. Some people even end up being a Ronin for years trying to pass, meanwhile this guy in front of passed the exam after one attempt and he cancelled it. You can even say some people will kill to be in his shoes.

Why did he cancel his entrance? Is there something worth more than entering Keiyou?

Or is he….going to apply for a even better university?

Either way that is a terrible, dumb and ignorant decision.

"Why did you cancel it? Do you know how many people fail to get into Keiyou every year? Are you crazy?!" I said out loudly. This time I didn't care how desperate I might have looked.

I thought that I couldn't be suprised further. Turn's out, I was wrong.

"I'm going to apply for Toudai"

I was stunned once again.

Tokyo university, also known as 'Toudai' by japanese people, is one of the most academic and highest ranked universities in all of Asia. Something that bothered me a lot in some manga and anime was how they portrayed Toudai. Every anime and manga which included Toudai in some way always made it seem like it was a walk in the park for the characters to get accepted into the school. In reality, it was the complete opposite. Even just having one person from your whole school pass the entrance exam for Toudai was a MASSIVE feat. It just amazes me that Hayama has that type of confidence to even consider going. Toudai is the Mount Everest of schools in Japan.

"Hey Hayama…."

He looked back at me.

"I'm not trying to sound like an asshole but why the hell would you make that decision? Even with you it might take a few years of studying and even that doesn't guarantee anything."

There was a brief pause as Hayama collected his thoughts.

"I…"

He continued on "Ever since I was a child it was always one of my life goals to pass for toudai."

As he carried on his tone became more stable. "When I was eight years old, my father took me to the main entrance of Toudai. That's when he told me it was the highest ranked school in Japan. Right from there, I made up in my mind-that i'm going to come here and graduate one day."

I paused this time.

Hayama's graduation goal came from a experience he had when he was just eight years old. That just by itself might sound pretty dumb but in reality, it's not. What you go through when you're small can be one of the most powerful and impactful things you go through in your whole entire life. Not only that, if he has still carried on his intentions from when he was just eight, that HAS to mean that he is determined. From hearing his statement, I lost the will to lash out at him. At the end of the day, no matter how much I call him stupid for cancelling his entrance, he's not going to give up from his goal. Maybe that's the one thing that separates Hayama from the others. I have to give him respect for that.

"I see….I shouldn't say anything then…" I replied with a soft tone. Frankly, I don't have the right to stop this guy from going after his goals.

He looked at me again.

"Hikigaya, I haven't told this to anyone so far. So please, keep this a secret" He said in a sharp but desperate tone

The only thing I could do was say yes to him. He earned my respect and he has now shown that he trusts me as well. If he didn't he would never be talking to me about all this. If he told the same thing to Tobe or any of his mates, this personal piece of information would spread like wildfire.

"Don't worry, I don't have anyone to tell anyway" I answered with my thumb up uncharacteristically, trying to look cool naturally.

Hayama looked at me with a smile again, but this time it was different. It was real. None of that fake shit was there. For some reason I could tell straight off that it was genuine. Earlier in the karaoke room I was half sure but this time I am certain 100%.

He carried on by placing his medium sized hands on my shoulder.

"Thanks Hikigaya." He said as he still had his 'real' smile on.

We both paused again. An uncomfortable silence occupied the two of us after Hayama placed his palm off my shoulder.

Then I realised something vital.

What was his career path? This motherfucker hasn't told me anything about it! All he has told me is what university he is going to!

My mind got a little bit tempered, but in the back of my mind I knew that it was my fault because I obviously didn't ask.

"Ha…., Hayama can you tell me what your career path is now?" I asked with a hint of desperation.

He looked at me with an expression which suggested that he had realised something.

"Oh that's right, I haven't told you yet" He laughed in a small burst. "I guess I can tell you now since I've told you some other stuff."

This is it. I didn't even know why I was so desperate and tempted to know.

His mouth opened to say his words.

"My career path is going to be-"

"Hayama!"

The voice echoed throughout the hallway.

Hayama's pupil pointed behind me.

I shifted my head back and there she was.

About 4 doors down from where we were standing, the all time great, blonde, about to be former, class queen had her head poking out the door looking directly at both of us. Her face suggested that she was slightly mad and disappointed.

"Wh...What are you two doing, standing there?" She said.

The queen opened the door wider, letting herself out. She walked up to Hayama as she grabbed his sleeve.

"Everyone's waiting for you, hurry up and get back in! Hikio, you too!"

She began to lean forward and pull Hayama towards the door.

"Hikigaya! Sorry! I'll tell you later-"

SLAM!

The door sealed shut as Hayama and and Miura entered the room. Hayama could barely finish his sentence before he got in.

Couldn't you at least keep the door open for me?.

I sighed as I walked towards the door.

After about an hour, we got an alert from the front desk telling us that we had 10 minutes remaining in the room. Naturally, everyone started to get up and pack their things up. I got up as well and started to get ready to leave.

I looked around the whole room again. This is the last time we will be wearing these uniforms. Most likely the last time we will meet up in this fashion. An unusual, strange feeling hit my head again. Admittedly, It almost felt sad.

As I scanned the room, I noticed something. Maybe more like I noticed something wasn't there. Something important. Very important.

Hayama wasn't there.

My eyes widened.

I turned my head slightly and speed walked up to Yuigahama who was by the door, on her phone.

"Where did Hayama go?" I asked quickly with a feel of urgency.

She looked back at me with her usual expression. "He said he had to go home early for some reason so he gave the key to me so I can return it, is something wrong Hikki?"

"N,no… its nothing." I replied, stepping back a little bit.

He got away before telling me. Maybe he forgot?. No he wouldn't.

Everyone looked to have gathered all their belongings so as a bunch we all walked out the room and went out to the hallway to enter the elevator.

When we all left the building it was a little bit windy outside. The main group still stood together in a clump and chatted. They were all most likely going to go somewhere else.

Now's my chance, I thought to myself as I speed walked, turning my back towards them.

My mind went into a state of relief until I felt something pull my wrist.

I turned around.

It was the same sight I saw a few hours ago, when I tried to leave the gates of the school, except this time she wasn't puffing like a dog. Something else different was the subject standing beside her, the ice queen stood there awkwardly.

Something was weird with Yukinoshita today, she had been fidgeting and nudging way too much. She didn't insult me as much as she always did either.

"Hikki?! Are you listening?!"

I woke up from my short daydream as I tilted my head up, looking at Yuigahama.

Yuigahama placed her palm on Yukinoshita's back, seemingly gesturing her it was okay to talk.

I shifted my eyes towards Yukinoshita. She still looked stiff and uncomfortable.

"Hikigaya….Kun….Please, I want to have our last club meeting. Me and Yuigahama san were planning to go to a cafe together, can you please come with us?"

Our club, the service club.

When I first joined the club, I was desperate to find a way to get out. Looking back now, I can admit it, things turned out better because I was in that group. The club leader, Yukinoshita is asking a final request. It's better for me to just oblige her even though I was quite tired.

"Um….I don't really mind."

The two looked back at me a pure smile.

"Thank you Hikigaya-kun"

"Thanks, Hikki!"

My heart warmed up a tiny bit, I may have even blushed. Just in case I flicked my head to side.

"Then let's go guys!" Yuigahama said energetically as she turned around, only to start skipping.

Is it even socially acceptable for a girl, who just graduated high school to be hopping around like a 5 year old?.

"Let's go" I said to Yukinoshita.

Yukinoshita brushed her silky hair out her eyes as she looked at me and smiled again.

"Yeah.." She said unenergetically, almost completely opposite to how Yuigahama said it.

Yuigahama and Yukinoshita walked together as a pair in front of me as I was right behind. The two chatted as I followed along. You may not even call it a chat, more like Yuigahama just blabbing along as Yukinoshita nodded.

Something was _definitely_ weird with Yukinoshita today.

Every few minutes she would look back at me as Yuigahama continued to instance our eyes met, she flinched and tilted her head back quickly.

She looked timid, insecure , shy, you name it. She didn't carry that signature "cool" vibe she was known to have today.

This continued all the way until we got to the front of the cafe.

The cafe was a Doutor, a popular cafe especially for younger people. During exam season, students flooded these cafes to study for their upcoming tests.

The automatic doors opened, exposing the inside. It was my first time coming to this particular branch.

Not many people were here, but that was most likely because it was in the afternoon. The three of us went to the front counter to tell the barista our orders.

I looked up at the menu displayed on the counter but I had no idea what to order. I hadn't been to a Doutor cafe in 3…. ? Wait no didn't I go….? Oh, I don't know.

"Hikki, have you chose what to order? Me and Yukinon have!" The bright voiced girl spoke out loud.

Damn. how did you decide so fast women?! I thought to myself

"I'll... get a….."

I mildly panicked as my eyes darted on the menu desperately searching for something.

"'I'll just have one ice coffee please" I said to the barista.

The ice coffee seemed like the best choice for me as it was not too expensive.

"Do you not want something too eat, Hikigaya-kun?" the ice queen said with a now, happy expression in comparison to how awkward she looked when we were walking.

I really didn't want to pay for a small bite when I can just eat something when I get back home.

"Nah, I'm fine"

The two girls ordered tea and a croissant each.

We received our orders after waiting for a few minutes, Yuigahama insisted we should go to the table upstairs.

After going up the stairs with our trays in hand I looked around, noticing that the whole floor was empty. Not one person occupied any of the space.

"Wow, I've never been here when it's so empty!" Yuigahama said excitedly.

It's rare to go to any kind of chain cafe without anyone in it.

Yuigahama quickly went towards the 4 chair table, right by the large glass window which was on the far opposite side of the floor from where the staircase was.

"Come on guys! Lets sit here!" She ushered energetically as she waved her hand.

I tilted my head towards Yukinoshita as she stood there.

"Let's go I guess" I spoke lightly, trying to sound non-negative as possible.

Yukinoshita looked at me with a faint smile.

"Yeah…."

I couldn't exactly pinpoint it but Yukinoshita's awkward actions seemed to have seized. At least I hope so. It was just straight up uncomfortable seeing her like that.

We put our trays gently on the wooden table so our drinks didn't spill.

Yuigahama sat facing me beside Yukinoshita.

A few seconds after Yuigahama sat down her expression changed into a shocked look. Followed by her placing both palms across her face

Yuigahama looked over and seemed to have noticed the quick change in expression.

"Oh my god! I don't have my phone! I might have dropped it somewhere!" The pink haired girl exclaimed.

 _How-Fucking-Ignorant_

"Do you remember when you last used it? You may have just left it in the karaoke room" The ice queen stated.

"I think so…. I can't recall using it after we left the Karaoke" Yuigahama replied as she looked downwards, hand on her chin.

"Why didn't you realise on the way here?" I asked

People nowadays, especially young people instantly recognise it when they don't have their phones with them. Just not having the small weight inside their pocket is enough to question themselves. I'm sure pretty much everyone knows that mini heart attack you get hit with when your right hand pocket feels empty.

Yuigahama rocked back slightly as she looked at me."Well, its, I.. I was too hooked on with Yukinon when I was talking with her!"

 _Talking with her? More like you just blabbing on for 10 minutes straight._

I sighed and looked away momentarily.

"Yukinon….can I please use your phone?" She said as she wore a playful frown. "I have to call the Jankara we were just at"

"Off course Yuigahama san" Yukinoshita answered as reach down into her bag

"Yukinon! Thank you!" She latched onto Yukinoshita's back as those words came out her mouth.

Yukinoshita put on a faint smile as Yuigahama continued to squeeze her.

"Yuigahama san, all I am doing is letting you call on my phone. You do not need to be so grateful"

Yuigahama eventually called the Jankara and was told that they found her phone and that she could come and pick it up.

"Ok guys, I'll get there and try come back as fast as possible. Look over my bag!" Yuigahama stood up confidently and sped out of her seat. Leaving just me and Yukinoshita together in the whole empty floor.

 _Fuck_

Yukinoshita began to look down.

It was about to shape into the same, super awkward situation we were in a couple minutes ago

It just became a repeat of what happened before. I tried my best not to look at her but when I did, I catched her looking back at me, immediately causing both of us to flinch and look away.

 _So….much…..awkwardness…!_

It might not have been as bad if there were some other people in the floor but as there weren't, it just made everything worse.

The only thing stopping the silence around the whole floor was the faint jazz music being played through the speakers.

I kept asking myself the question.

" _Why is she so awkward today?"_

Without tilting my head I shifted my eyes towards her direction.

She was acting the same as before. Nudging and looking ultra timid.

 _Why won't you just read like you always do?_

I paused

 _Wait, I could just go on my phone, how did I forget that?_

Keeping the embarrassment to myself I reached into my pocket. These were the times I thought smartphones were most useful, they carried people out of awkward situations, giving you something to occupy yourself with.

I exhaled out quietly as I pulled my phone out, leaving it out in front of me.

Things only get worse and worse

"6%"

 _FARRRRKKKKKK_

Inside my mind I screamed ,trying my best to appear normal on the outside.

How the hell is the battery on 6%? I charged it while I was in the Karaoke room!

Then I remembered the exchange I had with Komachi last night

"Onii-chan! Let me use your charger! Mine broke!" Out of the corner of my eye I saw Komachi shout as she opened my bedroom door.

"Komachi, I'm sorry but onii-chan can't talk right now!" I randomly found a old tetris jr key chain under our couch which I started playing with and at that exact moment I was about to beat my high score.

"Hey Onii-chan, can I just take the wall charger?" This time I couldn't see her but I heard her voice come from the direction of my bed.

"Whatever, just take it, I'm too busy!" I said in a rush as the frenzy of blocks continued.

"Okay, I'll just take it then! I'll leave my broken one on your desk! You can throw it out for me, Thanks!" I heard the door close as I continued to mash the buttons quickly.

 _Oh my god….._

I placed my phone on the table, screen facing down as I sighed.

There was just something up with her which filled up the whole situation with awkwardness.

There isn't another choice. I have to break the silence. Clear the air on what's wrong.

After another couple of moments of unbearable silence, I gathered enough courage to voice my question.

"Yukinoshita….. Is something wrong? It just seems like there's something off with you today"

Yukinoshita immediately reacted. Eyes wide open, wearing a surprised and worried look.

"Hey... its just...Hikigaya-kun…."

"Huh?"

Yukinoshita quickly closed her eyes as her mouth formed into a way which made her whole face look angry.

"What are you saying Hikigaya-kun?! I am not doing anything strange! Does that ignorant mind of yours make things up?!"

Yukinoshita raised her voice and spoke up loudly with an air of urgency and desperation

 _What the hell is going on now?_

The question I asked just ended up gaving me more questions inside my head.

"Geez i'm just asking….. My bad I guess….."

I looked over to my left to examine the view outside the large glass panel.

So this is the day I will always remember to myself as "The last day of school". Maybe not the best, but moving on is a simple thing to me.

"Um, Hikigaya kun"

I looked back at the girl.

"I'm sorry about what I said before, there's actually something I need to tell you"

The words shot through my head.

 _So she was thinking of saying something._

What is it? Another request? She wants to find herself? She needs our help in some way?

"He-,Hey don't worry I'm used to it after 3 years"

She looked down again.

"I, I have wanted to tell you this for a long time"

She sounded slightly more confident

A weird sensation hit me again.

At first I couldn't immediately recognise what was happening but my body felt hot.

My heart was beating rapidly.

My head and face heated up.

 _Why is my body reacting in such a way!?_

"Hikigaya-kun"

After saying my name she looked at me straight in my eyes, this time neither of us flinched or looked away.

"I-"

"Sorry guys I took so long!"

I slightly shook in my seat as I looked over to the direction where I heard the voice.

Yuigahama finally came back.

She walked over to our table, sitting back down on her seat.

"Am I even ready to become an adult already!?" She said as she poked her tongue out, lightly hitting her head with her hand comedically.

"Yui..gahama-san.."

Yukinoshita couldn't finish off what she was about to say. She looked slightly down.

"What, did I interrupt something?"

Yukinoshita starred back at me.

"Um,.. No! No! Do not worry Yuigahama-san"

 _Damn it_

Now I have to sit here maybe for another hour wondering what she was about to say.

This time I looked down.

But it was at that moment when I looked down, I immediately understood what Yukinoshita was about to say

 **A/N...Seriously guys I'm sorry I just completely forgot about the fact I was writing something on this website.**

 **8-9 months?**

 **Thanks to everyone who is still reading this I will try and finish the next chapter faster than the time it took to upload this one...**

 **Please leave a comment if you have anything you want to say**


	9. Chapter 9 - It's not for you

**Chapter 9 - It's not for you**

Rejection - The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.

Ah, rejection. The one thing many of us humans fear. It's a feeling which we can understand, at times people could work days or even weeks leading up to the proposal which ends up being turned down. No matter how perfect we attempt to live out our lives, it's inevitable that we would face rejection in multiple different ways whether it would be being rejected by someone you have a crush on, being rejected by a job you applied for or even something minimal like being denied a idea you brought up in class by other classmates or the teacher. One could say rejection is the most devastating thing to hurt us emotionally. Once again, it's understandable. Different people obviously react to rejection in different ways. Some people never recover from rejection and end up staying in their rooms all day while others are able to wear a smile on their face and pretend it never happened. No matter how you slice it, being rejected will hurt anyone. Just distracting yourself never fully helps. Rejection is the only thing which stops people from expressing their true feelings towards one another. We truly don't want to be turned down by anyone.

But people have to understand, rejection is not necessarily always a bad thing.

Just like everything else in life, rejection could be used as a experience to help us make better choices later on. No, I do not mean "better choices" by never proposing to anyone for the rest of your days, I mean proposing to the right people in the right way. Maybe if you get rejected a job you could ask the manager why you didn't get employed? You could figure out what you need to improve on yourself or maybe if they say "we just found someone better" at least you don't lose anything. It's better than not knowing why. Same thing could be said for confessing someone. From being rejected myself, I was able to better understand other people's true nature which I feel ended up helping me tremendously later on. I probably would have made more embarrassing and heartbreaking choices if it wasn't for that rejection back in middle school.

Maybe if you get rejected you could take it as a signal. You could believe the famous saying "everything happens for a reason". If you get rejected by someone after confessing them, maybe it means you were never right for them. If you apply for countless jobs and get rejected by all of them, maybe it's a signal telling you that you need to spend your time doing something else rather than working.

With those 3 questions, I initially only rejected the first one. Actually I take that back, she _interpreted_ my reaction as a rejection. Just thinking back about it really sinks my heart. At least in that situation rejecting her may have hurt me as badly as it hurt her. I never truly knew how it felt to be on the other side of the stick being on the rejecting side. I really wonder where would I be now if I accepted her.

I said "initially" as with the second question I pretty much rejected her a lot later on in a different way. I now feel I should have rejected her right at the start, knowing what happened a lot later on or what _was_ happening.

I ended up with the person I am with now due to the second question. If I didn't go through that "toxic" relationship with the second girl, I might not be where I am now but for some strange reason I truly feel we were truly destined together. No matter how I responded to those 3 questions differently, I feel I would have ended up with her at the end.

* * *

Looking down I immediately realised what she was trying to tell me.

Between my legs my fly was right open, exposing the face of my dark blue underwear to the outside open world.

My brain played an imaginary scene of Yukinoshita saying the sentence:

" _I realised the zips on your trousers were open"_

That had to be what she was trying to tell me. It clearly explains why she seemed so uncomfortable. I would be uncomfortable as well if Haya… no someone else, Zaimokuza was hanging around me with his fly wide open.

I zipped it back up faster than anything you can imagine.

How long has it been open for? Since I went to the bathroom back at the karaoke? How many people have seen?

As I asked myself those questions, countless embarrassing worst case scenarios started popping up in my head.

I dropped my head lightly on the table out of embarrassment. Followed by me covering my eyes.

 _I want to die I want to die I want to die_

"Hikki… are you okay?"

Yuigahama looked at me with a semi-weirded out expression.

Yukinoshita looked at me in a similar way, just not as dramatic.

 _You know damn well why I'm like this!_

After a few seconds I felt like I put myself back together so I tried to look normal as possible.

"Don't worry it's nothing" I said in the most natural way possible

"That's weird… anyway Yukino back to what I was saying"

We ended up staying in the cafe for another hour and it didn't feel like a "final club meeting" at all. The usual event of Yuigahama just chatting on with Yukinoshita continued as it did with any other meeting but every once in awhile Yuigahama, being the kind girl that she is, constantly attempted to include me in the conversation in some way. After we left the cafe the three of us walked over to Yukinoshita's apartment to say our goodbyes for the day. One strange thing I noticed about Yukinoshita was that she still seemed a little awkward towards me. Even with my stupid fly right up. Anyway, after our parting with Yukinoshita, Yuigahama asked me if I can walk back to her house with her. As I couldn't find a reason to say no, I said yes.

It was well past afternoon at that point. The weather that day was half decent as there was some wind. The fresh smell of spring was freely rooming the air. Again a weird feeling hit me. The thought that it was the last day for me to wear this Sobu uniform and the thought that all these high school moments were soon going to become just a plain old memory just weirded me out. Me and Yuigahama continued to walk in silence without too much distance from each other.

"Hikki, can we walk through the park?" Yuigahama said out of nowhere. She continued "It's around the corner, the blossom trees should look great around this time." As she pointed ahead.

I couldn't really say no, not that I needed to.

"I wouldn't mind." I replied to Yuigahama.

Yuigahama looked back at me with a bright smile, teeth showing.

We continued on walking towards the direction she pointed at earlier. As we turned the corner I was immediately stunned by the beautiful scenery I was looking at.

What usually was just a boring old park was now a beautiful piece of scenery, with all of the trees magnificently displaying its rich, pink, natural decorations.

A fairly long and narrow concrete path went across the park, with a long row of cherry blossoms trees to keep it company by its side.

Without saying much the two of us went on the path.

There was a very slight but noticeable comfortable atmosphere in the afternoon air. Yuigahama continued to walk by my side in silence. I honestly didn't really know where we were going but I trusted my pink haired companion to know the directions.

Come think of it, when was the last time I was alone with Yuigahama?.

As we carried on walking on the path a fairly strong piece of wind whizzed past, pushing against the trees. The peaceful sound of the branches and leaves rustling filled up our ears. As the wind carried on doing its thing, I took a glance at Yuigahama.

Her smooth, short hair flowed along with the wind, revealing her bright cheek and her soft rounded earlobe. Those eyes she owned peered straight forwards. Her soft looking lips giving off the slightest smile.

My heart beat twice for a second.

Was Yuigahama always this beautiful?

"Hikki, is something wrong?... you're looking at me weird…" she said slightly leaning forward.

"No no it's nothing." I quickly said without hesitation.

We were maybe around a quarter way through the path when she asked me.

"Hey Hikki…. do you think we can still meet up even though we are adults now?" Yuigahama said in a way that I could tell she was choosing her words carefully. You could count all the times she talked that way on one hand.

"You already know what I feel about those types of things." I said. "You know, back on that trip."

Yuigahama angled her head slightly downwards, she wore a small smile but her eyes suggested the opposite.

"I know, I know but still…" she replied. "You know I really liked everyone I came across, at our school, in our class, in the service club…. Everything felt so special to me. It's strange, I didn't feel this way back in elementary or middle school… I felt like things were going to be this way forever but now that it's possibly all over, it just makes me a little bit sad…" Yuigahama continued to look down. "Haha… sorry was that weird?...' she carried on as she looked back at me with a awkward smile.

"If all of us never see each other again, there's nothing anyone can do about it. We are all going to go our own separate ways, we are all going to see new places and interact with new people. It's just too unrealistic to imagine our class is still going to be on the same terms with everyone for the coming years." I answered with my honest thoughts. "It's also not a good thing to try hard to keep relationships together when you are away. As we change, it just becomes a burden to keep in touch with people you used to know."

As I finished Yuigahama bent down to pick up a small stem of one of the cherry blossoms which had dropped onto the ground. As she held it near her face to inspect it, it seemed to me like I was looking at a photograph from some magazine. The bright, white and pink cherry blossom suited Yuigahama's aura almost too well.

"Hikki…. I understand that. But at the least, I really wish our service club members still stay in touch in some way." Yuigahama said.

* * *

Even now, at present day, although I am 26, more than 8 years later, I still remember that scene very clearly. After remembering about Yuigahama again, the scenery of that park pops into my mind non stop. If I had better painting skills, I feel like i would be able to create a painting almost identical to the park scene I saw that afternoon.

* * *

"You know, honestly Hikki. That class we were in felt "good" to me, with all of our great classmates, but our service club, with you, me and Yukinon felt "special". Special at least to me. I feel like I'll never meet any two people like you and Yukinon. At least I don't want to, since it might take out the "special" feeling I have towards our club."

Admittedly, I was a little bit touched by those words for some strange reason. I can't explain it well.

Another piece of wind came past, this time a lot stronger.

The angle of the trees slightly swayed to the right in reaction to the wind. The branches shook and rustled like it was waving its hand violently.

As the wind carried on, a small group of cherry blossom petals came towards my face, making me stop squint my eyes. As I did so I heard a faint moan from Yuigahama.

Brushing off the petals in my hair I looked over to her.

Yuigahama's hair was filled with petals, far more than mine.

"Sigh… what a annoying wind." She said in a innocent way as she attempted to brushed her hair lightly.

As she stopped I noticed she still had a couple of petals on her hair.

"Hey" I said. "You still have a few here, here and here." I pointed at different points on my hair to demonstrate where they were.

After looking at me in a expressionless state she put on a hesitant smile.

She held her hands behind her back as she faced me. Leaning forwards, bringing her head close to me.

"Can you…. take them off?"

I pulled my head back a little bit out of embarrassment.

"Um.. ok" I replied.

I began taking the petals off her hair. As I did so I realised she had closed her eyes. It was only then I noticed she had very long and well shaped eyelashes.

 _I never noticed they were so long_ …

As I carried on removing the petals, for some reason a part of me wanted to take more time.

 _Anymore…. no._

"Done" I said after removing the last one.

Yuigahama tilted her head back up and looked back at me in the eyes.

"Hehe.. thanks, Hikki!"

We carried on walking after the short exchange. As I looked straight forwards I knew we were at least more than halfway through the path.

"Oi, Yuigahama. I am being honest here." I said. You were always the shiny person out of everyone. You have something inside you which attracts good people. Something you can't teach. For a popular girl like you it's pretty much guaranteed you are going to meet more and possibly better people. At least better than a lone wolf like me." I finished

Yuigahama looked at me in a slightly surprised fashion.

"Thanks Hikki but are you fine just admitting you are a lone wolf?" She said. "Are you just going to be completely fine even if you don't make any more friends or anything?".

"Hey I'm not implying that. I've done things alone for a long time and I don't intend to change anything. Back when I was a kid I used to care too much about how I looked but now I don't care. I'm going to walk my path in my own way. Again society looks at guys like me as "weird" but again, I can't care less."

After I finished we both stayed silent for a moment.

"Hikki… I'm gonna try my best." Yuigahama said.

 _What_?

"Try your best at what?"

"You are right. It's better to walk your path on your own way. I'm gonna do things that way from now on. I might have done and chose things based on what others did, but from now I'm gonna do things by what I choose alone." Yuigahama said. "And Hikki, I never said this but there are things I admire about you. Like what you said before. Not caring what others think. You don't let other people's opinions bother you one bit. No matter how many or how badly. Like after the school festival. Everyone was against you but you didn't let any of it get to your head."

 _Wow, Yuigahama complimenting me?_

"Urghh… That's kind of embarrassing, saying things that way."

We were at the end of the path now. Out of the whole park, this place, where we were now had the most blossom trees. The empty benches were scattered around all over the grass.

Yuigahama and I stopped.

"Hey Hikki one more thing." Yuigahama said. "Actually two"

"What?"

As she stood in front of me she faced her body towards mine.

It was clearly dusk at that point. The sun was on its way to saying goodbye for the day. For some reason the sunset seemed especially magnificent that time. Everything was soaked in a brilliant orangey red colour. My hand, Yuigahama's face, my shoes, the world. As if some special kind of fruit juice had splashed down on everything. The light of the sun filtered through the trees branches creating different shades of red and orange on the grass and the concrete.

"I understand that our club might not meet ever again, but even so, I don't want any of us to forget it." Yuigahama said. "Obviously, I'll be a little sad if we never meet each other as a group again but at the very least, I'll be happy if all of three of us, in our hearts, keep the memories tucked away in a special place. Even when I'm a lot older I want to look back on all the times the three of us had together. I want this for you and Yukinon as well. I'll be more than happy just knowing my existence still has a place in Yukinon's and Hikki's hearts. Even though I don't remember you saying anything about loving our club, I know deep down, that you do. Please, Hikki. Don't forget about the connection you, me and Yukinon had."

I was left in slight awe, not expecting Yuigahama to say something that sounds like something straight out of a famous movie.

"I understand. I said as I smiled. won't forget. I have a sharp memory in some aspects."

* * *

Thinking back to that conversation now, it's too ironic. Yuigahama clearly told me not to forget about her or the service club but after the scooter accident, I had forgotten about her for over 6 years. When I talked to Yukinoshita back at the family restaurant it really hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt extremely bad for her. Almost burst to tears myself after remembering the last time I saw Yuigahama. Not only did I hurt her badly, I couldn't fulfill her request she so badly wanted me to carry on. I felt extremely guilty for not remembering her for so long. That day, even after I hurt her, I swore to myself I'll at least fulfill her first request but I couldn't even do just that. Yuigahama had completely faded away from my memory.

* * *

"Thank you Hikki" said Yuigahama. "Hehe"

As she chuckled lightly, she skipped off the concrete path and went standing on the grass, under one of the trees.

"The other thing now" She said. "Come here Hikki" She said as she gestured her hand for me to come closer.

Without much in mind, I followed what she said and stood by her under the tree.

Looking up the look of the cherry blossom branches, being shined through by the light of the dusk sun looked amazing. I was left in slight awe.

Yuigahama pulled on my sleeve, grabbing my attention.

She turned around, facing away from me.

 _Huh?_

"Hikki turn around."

 _What?_

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Please, just do it Hikki"

I took one quick glance at Yuigahama, before turning around making both of our backs face each other.

"Yeah ok I've turned around, now what."

"Close your eyes."

Inside my mind I considered asking for what reason, but I figured she will just tell me to do it again.

I sealed my eyes shut.

"And Hikki relax, don't tense up your face, just lightly close your eyes." I heard from behind me. Letting me know Yuigahama still had her back towards me as well.

"Ye.. yeah ok"

I listened to her and gently closed my eyes, in a relaxed way like I was sleeping.

… _..what were we doing again?_

I thought to myself.

In what type of gesture or good luck game, does it require two people to look away from each other, and close their eyes?.

….

We both stood like that for maybe 10 seconds.

Another light wind whizzed past.

The rich, relaxing sound of the branches, peacefully rustling filled up my eardrums again. This time, from up above as we were standing directly under it. Although I did not have my eyes opened to see, I could clearly imagine in what fashion the branches swayed in reaction to the wind.

I heard a odd sound on my right.

?

I felt something.

?

As I felt it, I also felt a soft touch around my neck.

….

The slightest twinge went through my entire body. From the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.

I was met with a indescribable but very pleasant and "nice" smell.

The rustling sound carried on but this time a lot, lot slower.

?

...

The world fell away.

There was a very soft and kind sensation brushed against my lip.

I reopened my eyes.

….

Yuigahama's face was right by mine. Her beautiful eyes closed, those long eyelashes showing. Her well shaped nose above her soft, small lips.

Her soft, small lips which were making contact with mine.

In a millisecond my entire body got hot.

My brain felt as if someone had poured gasoline on it and lit it with a match. The warmth quickly spread throughout my entire body.

For the first time in what felt like a long time my mind was locked into the present.

 _I_

…

 _I was_

…

 _I was kissing_

… _._

 _I was kissing Yuigahama_

… _._

 _My first kiss with Yuigahama_

… _.._

 _No, my first kiss with anyone._

I finally realised what was happening.

We were so close the hot breath coming out of her nose, entered mine. It smelt good.

She moved her hand onto my left cheek.

She tilted her head to a slight angle and pushed in more. Her hand on my cheek giving her more support.

Something small and wet gently tickled its way through the tiny gap in between my lips.

She slipped her tongue into my mouth.

Our tongues touched as I heard a slight moan from her. She still had her eyes closed.

The world around me became unfocused as it all blurred.

Her arms reach up and tangle around my neck.

She breathed sharply and initiated delicately.

I had no idea how long we maintained that position.

Her beautiful eyes opened, staring right back at mine. She eventually pulled her face away slowly, separating our lips.

I breathed in and out heavily.

Without noticing, it seems like I held my breath the entire time.

Yuigahama touched her lip with the tip of her fingers lightly.

"Hehe… I'm gonna lose it if I keep carrying on…." She said.

I was left in numb, strange state.

I felt extremely dreamy.

 _Did me and Yuigahama just kiss?_

… _._

 _Am I dreaming?_

A part of me just expected to wake up in bed as usual.

But it didn't seem like that was the case.

My heart started to calm down.

"Hikki" Yuigahama called out.

Her face was no more than 15cms away from mine.

She looked at me with a happy but serious expression.

"I love you Hikki." She said with the words flowing out her mouth.

My heavy hands were shaking.

A confession.

The act of admitting something.

It was happening to me right now.

Someone was confessing to me right here right now.

In Japan, a pink haired girl was confessing her feelings to one of her now, former classmates.

Yuigahama Yui, admitted her true, genuine feelings towards Hikigaya Hachiman.

Yuigahama told me her inner feeling towards me.

That she loved me.

Yuigahama slowly came closer as she placed her hands on my chest, resting her head onto my shoulder.

Everything felt more and more dreamy.

I looked around myself for what seemed like the first time in forever.

I didn't see anyone else at the park.

Or

Maybe I _couldn't_ see

Maybe my eyes and my mind just ignored everyone and everything around me.

I couldn't see 100m ahead.

Everything out of a 100m radius from where I was, had vanished. At least in my eyes.

I saw a world only consisting of me, a couple acres of grass, a few blossom trees and most importantly, Yuigahama.

Everything else in the world was the orangey red colour I saw before.

The sky, the everything.

Like we were inside a page of a picture book.

The trees began to sway again.

What was strange was that I couldn't hear any of the rustling I heard earlier.

It was almost dead silent.

There was only one noise I heard.

I could only hear Yuigahama's soft breathing as she carried on resting her head on my shoulder.

Is this what it feels like to be asked out?

* * *

 **IMPORTANT NEWS EVERYONE PLEASE READ**

 **First of all Thank you to everyone who is still reading. I decided that I'm going to write and publish 8mans past on a seperate fic since there is a high chance it will be much longer than this one.**

 **It will pretty much be a whole separate story on its own so I want to make it so that new readers can enjoy it without reading this fic.**

 **So what I plan to do is:**

 **-Write maybe 3-5 more chapters to this fic**

 **-Start and finish the story explaining everything in detail about 8man and Yukinoshitas past**

 **-After you guys, the readers understand everything up to this point, I will wrap up the whole story on this fic.**

 **Please I want to know, what was the best chapter in your opinion? and what did you think of this chapter?  
**

 **Again thanks to everyone, hopefully I finish the next chapter by the next U.S election ;)**


	10. Chapter 10 - Art of Dying

**Chapter 10 - Art of Dying**

My eyes struggled to open as it felt like someone had poured glue over them to seal them shut.

I turned my head around a few times over my pillow.

The slight but very apparent sound of a construction site taking place came into my ears, from the direction where the window was.

I stretched out my arms as I yawned.

The rays of light spilling out between the closed curtains were enough to brighten up our small white walled bedroom.

A slight chill hit my stomach, which I noticed was bare.

I flipped the sheets over.

In fact my whole body was bare.

I was naked.

My fuzzy brain attempted to replay the events which took place last night after me and Saki said goodnight to Kaaki.

 _That's right_

I thought to myself.

I explained the situation I had with Yuigahama to her, in full detail. Beginning to end. Then we slept together.

 _What time did we start having sex?_

I asked myself.

I looked over to the alarm clock which sat on her bedside table.

"10:47am"

 _Shit_

I flipped over the sheets completely and sat up.

As I did so I noticed my phone was on the floor.

I stood up hesitantly, still not feeling fresh. In fact, I was still very tired. I was tempted to just go back and carry on sleeping but I figured I will just annoy Saki more if I did.

I picked up my phone, walked over to my closet and put on the first t shirt I found, followed by me putting on my underwear and sweatpants.

I was still in a hazy state.

Walking out of the bedroom, I entered the lounge.

I was expecting Saki to be there, sitting down reading a magazine or something but the whole room was empty.

 _Where is she?_

….

Then I realised it was a Thursday.

Saki took Kaaki out to daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I yawned once again.

Sitting down on the couch I grabbed the remote which was dropped in between the cushions. As I held it I turned the tv on.

A news channel was playing.

I still felt like a zombie, I must have only had about 4 hours of sleep.

 _I'll just close my eyes for 10 seconds._

Closing my eyes I rested my temple against one of the arms on the couch I was laying on.

The world turned off.

* * *

"Slam!"

My eyes opened to the sound of a door closing very hard.

I rubbed my face.

 _Did I just sleep again?_

I looked at my phone

"11:58am"

…

Still feeling like ass, I sat upright again on the couch, then the door of the lounge opened.

It was Saki.

"Yo" I said

"Hi" she said with a smile.

She wore a black coat, along with a pair of light blue jeans.

"Was Kaaki all fine?" I asked.

"He's a lot more used to the place now, especially compared to the first few days he was there."

"Well yeah anything would be better than that" I said.

When we first took Kaaki to the daycare, he absolutely hated it. And when I say he hated it, I really do mean that he hated it.

He cried non stop as soon as Saki went away.

Even though he was good with meeting new people, he absolutely despised going into new environments.

It took a pretty big effort but after going through a few steps, he finally became more and more comfortable to the place.

"Well anyway, thanks a lot. It's thanks to you we can keep our eyes off him for a little bit now" I said taking my feet off the couch.

"Haha, don't worry it's the duty of the mother." Saki said as she put on another smile.

"Oh yeah by the way…" she continued as she dug her hand into her handbag.

"Here" she pulled out a envelope and stretched her arm out for me to receive it. "It's pretty rare for you to get a private mail, who's Michio Tadaoki?" She continued.

I grabbed the letter and looked at the name myself.

 _Michio Tadaoki_

I immediately knew who it was.

In an instant all my tired feelings were sucked out of my body.

I looked over at the name again, this time more closely.

 _Tadaoki_

"Who is he?" Saki asked.

I snapped back into reality.

"Saki, sorry but do you mind if you leave me alone in here for a little bit?"

She looked at me slightly shocked.

"Um… ok"

She hesitantly walked towards the door.

"Wait, Hachi one thing. Do you wanna go out for lunch? Kaaki isn't here so we have more freedom. I would love to go, just the two of us." She asked me as she held the doorknob.

"Yeah sure, just after I read this."

She nodded and looked at me one last time, in a sort of "worried" expression before leaving the room.

 _Tadaoki_

My mind replayed a old memory

* * *

" _Hey, Hikigaya!" I heard from behind._

"… _."_

" _Oi, Hikigaya, I know you can hear me!" He said as he caught up and huddled with me. He had to crouch down slightly as he was a lot taller than me._

" _I found a nice bar in town, and you know, there are tons of nice girls drinking there regularly, with all hair types you can name! blonde, red, green... you name it. I'll hook you up with 2 girls, come with me!"_

" _Shut up Tadaoki, you know I have a girl. I can't"_

" _Yeah, so she'll never find out!, no matter what, this time I'm taking you!."_

" _Just fuck off already." I said annoyed, as I pushed him off._

" _Come on man"_

* * *

I ripped the side of the envelope, pulling out the letter.

As my hands were shaking I started reading from the first line.

* * *

Hi Hikigaya

You can probably tell by now, it's me Tadaoki.

You are the author of that popular novel "I Remember Clifford' aren't you?. Just the name of the book itself was enough to let me know you wrote it, even with that weird pen name. I still quite vividly remember that conversation/argument the three of us had back in that dusty old cafe we used to meet up in. I never expected you to carry out that promise. Really Hikigaya, thank you for that. I greatly appreciate it for the following reason.

Maga Fukuo is no longer with us. He passed away. Or "Fukurou" as we used to call him. To be more exact, he killed himself. Overdosed on barbiturate just like his idol, Jimi Hendrix.

He couldn't handle how the world treated him.

It hit me hard. It is unbearably sad. I should have replied and talked to him all those times.

Again Hikigaya, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for titling the novel "I Remember Clifford". Out of the three of us, only you made it to the finish line we all so desperately wanted to get to. Even though I do not believe in any god, I want to believe he knows about this in the better place.

He now rests in a quiet place on one of the mountains over at his home city in Kyoto. I send this letter on a Monday so I hope for you, reading this right now it is Thursday or Friday. I will be paying a visit to Fukurou on Sunday from 2-3pm. Please, if you have the time, be there. This is the address:

It wasn't easy finding your address but I did it. I could have emailed you or just called you, but I wanted to write down my thoughts.

You hadn't made any contact to me or Fukurou for over 6 years, but I still really wanted to tell you this very unfortunate news.

It was a very brief amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but that circle we had with you, me and Fukurou was very memorable to me and I hope it was to you as well.

Again, please Hikigaya, be there to greet Fukurou with me one last time.

 _Kind regards_

Michio Tadaoki

* * *

I reread that letter once more.

And then I reread it again.

Than once again.

Than yet one more time.

Until I memorised all the words on the two pages.

 _Fukurou…._

Even though I hadn't seen him in a long time, I felt the smallest piece of my mind dissapear.

Why?

He was just some annoying little guy.. nothing much.

Was he even impactful towards me?

Why would he kill himself.

He's gone now.

I won't see him.

I'll never see him again.

Forever.

It felt strange.

It felt as if someone was calling my name.

"Hachi!"

Then someone placed their hand on my shoulder.

"Hachi, why aren't you saying anything? You were just dozing off! I knocked on the door for awhile and you didn't reply, so I just came in." Saki said as she looked at me with her face close to mine, wearing a worried look.

"Oh…" I said. "Hey I'm really sorry." Trying to maintain myself again.

"Hey you don't have to apologise Hachi, I was just a little bit worried." She said as she sat on the couch next to me.

"Who is this Michio person?" She asked.

I sighed.

"He's… someone I used to know, please I don't feel like talking about it right now."

Saki looked at me and placed her hand on my cheek.

"Hey, if there's something going on you can tell me, if you don't want to share it I won't mind either."

"Thanks… it's just… it's hard to explain… anyway I'll get changed and stuff, I won't take long" I said as I stood up, gently pulling her hand away.

I quickly washed my face and changed into a pair of jeans and a jacket.

"Let's go out, like you suggested" I said standing by the front door of the apartment.

"Ok" Saki responded as she came towards me.

I took a umbrella with me as I walked out since earlier on the news I saw that it might rain today.

We both went down to the parking where our car was.

"Can you drive, I'm not really feeling it today." I asked Saki.

"Sure I won't mind" she replied.

We both got on and sat down, putting our seatbelts on.

"Hey Hachi, can we go to the CD and record store in town?"

 _CD and record store?_

 _Why?_

"Why do you want to go there all of a sudden." I asked.

She was never really someone who was a music fan, ever.

"There was this special edition record Taishi was looking for, and he couldn't find it in any second hand music store in Chiba so he asked me to find it over here."

 _For her brother?_

"Oh ok right. Yeah I don't mind" I talked back.

Even after all these years she's still very considerate and caring of her younger siblings. They have the special family relationship most siblings should have.

Completely different from some bitch I used to know and her crazy older sister.

Anyway, I hadn't wandered around in a record store in a long time, should be nice and interesting to do that every once in awhile.

Saki started the car and drove.

After around 10 minutes, it started to rain like I was expecting. Another 10 minutes later we eventually got to town and found a good parking space. Sharing one umbrella, Saki and I walked through the not so busy streets in the rain. She went on her maps app to allow us to get to the record store she was talking about earlier.

It was still fairly cold in the February air.

"We're here" Saki said as she stopped and pointed.

I looked towards the same way she was looking and saw the record store a few metres away.

"Okada CDs and Records" it read on the semi rusted sign, above the front entrance.

The record store looked to be a three storey one, sandwiched in between a drug store and a home appliance store. The building looked nowhere near new. It was a wooden building and it looked ashy compared to all of the other stores around it.

"Lets go" I said as I closed the umbrella.

As we went inside we were welcomed with the smell of old cardboard and paper. The floor was as big as the average classroom, with around 6 tables full of boxes containing old and used records. Around the walls lined up shelves, which were also full of boxes.

Above the shelves there were old band posters, the kinds where the ink on them had dried up due to being left out in sunlight for too long.

The register was on the far right corner from the entrance being held responsible by a older man, probably around his late 50s-early 60s, reading a newspaper.

Only 2 other people were in the store, a fairly stylish university student listening to music through his old fashioned headphones and a middle aged man, who wore a pair of glasses and a red socks cap. Both of them seemed fully occupied on flicking through the records to find what they wanted.

"Do you know where to look?" I asked her

"I'll be fine, I might take a little bit but bear with me" she said as she went over to the table with the hand written sign "Classic Pop" on it.

On the opposite corner from the entrance and across from where the cashier was, I noticed a paper sign with a arrow on it.

As I went closer I noticed the paper sign included the words "Blues, Classic Rock and Jazz" written in big bold black marker text.

 _Blues._

The arrow pointed to a narrow, steep set of wooden stairs.

I walked over to Saki, who was already flicking through the records with a serious and concentrated expression, just like the other two people inside the store.

I placed my hand on her shoulder, grabbing her attention.

"I'll be upstairs,there might me something I want to find" I said as I pointed towards the paper sign.

She looked at the sign and then to me.

"Yeah ok Hachi" she said as she put on a light smile, before resuming back to flicking through the records with that serious expression from earlier.

I started walking up those steep stairs.

The old, wooden and ashy smell was much stronger there. Each step I took the creaking wood sound echoed between the small space I was in.

I took the last step and entered the second floor.

The floor was about the same size as the first, maybe smaller. Instead of just displaying records this place also displayed CDs. The shelves, the posters and the tables were arranged in a similar fashion.

There was no one else on that floor.

I looked to my left and saw a large sign with the word "Blues".

I immediately walked over there.

Without second thought I started looking in the "R" section in the Blues corner of the floor.

It didn't take me long to find the artist I was looking for.

"Stevie Ray Vaughan"

After a few seconds I found the exact album I was hoping to find.

Slipping my hand through the CD case covers, I pulled out one in confidence.

Pulling it out, I looked at it more closely.

It had been a while since I last saw that album cover.

"The Essential Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble"

The album art was simple. Just the title and Ray Vaughan's face in black and white, wearing his iconic cowboy hat.

Looking at it I couldn't help but get my head filled with the comments Fukurou used to make about it.

Then at that moment.

I heard it.

A clean guitar intro began to flow from the cheap looking Panasonic CD player placed on top of the shelf.

It was that song.

That damn song.

That damn song which was playing in the taxi that night.

The night I left her and had nothing.

It was my first time hearing the song since that event but it didn't fail to send a shudder through me. It hit me hard, harder than anything else.

I crouched down from where I was standing, my face in my hands to keep my skull and skull from splitting open.

It was coincidentally the same song Fukurou loved.

"Little wing" by Stevie Ray Vaughan.

The song had no words, but it still hit me.

I couldn't handle it.

Things came out of focus.

The events that night started replaying quickly.

Then thankfully.

"Hachi?! What's happened to you?!"

It was the voice of a angel.

I looked at her as she helped me up.

I attempted regained myself.

"I….I….."

"Anyway, let's go, I couldn't find that record here." She said as she pulled me towards the stairs.

"Wait" I said as I picked up the CD I seemed to have dropped earlier.

When we got downstairs I couldn't hear the song anymore.

Saki was about to head straight out but I told her to stop.

"Hey wait I'm gonna buy this" I said showing her the CD.

"Huh?... you like... Jazz?" Saki said back in a confused expression as she looked at the CD I was holding.

Fukurou's voice echoed inside my mind

* * *

" _HIKIGAYA! How many times do I have to tell you, it's Blues not Jazz!"_

" _Whatever same thing"_

" _NO IT IS NOT! It's completely different! Let me tell you how, first of all-"_

* * *

"Saki it's Blues not Jazz" I told her, thinking back to what Fukurou told me.

"Whatever they're like the same thing aren't they?" She replied.

I contemplated talking back to her and giving her a lecture on the differences between Jazz and Blues that Fukurou told me countless times, but I quickly binned the idea.

I walked to the register where the older man sat and placed the CD down on the counter.

He noticed me and dropped his newspaper, all while looking at me with a "You just disturbed me" expression. Without saying anything the man scanned it and the price lit up on the screen.

"390 yen" it read.

He didn't say anything and looked at me again.

I pulled out a 500 yen coin and placed it on the table.

"Keep the change" I said as I walked off.

The man didn't say goodbye, thank you or anything.

I walked over to Saki. "Let's go get lunch now, can you keep this in your bag?" I said.

"...sure" she said with a hint of suspicion as she dropped the CD into her handbag.

When we were by the entrance, we noticed it was raining a lot harder than before.

Pulling out the umbrella from my back pocket, I opened it as the two of us left the store.

The slightly panicked feeling hadn't completely left me.

Saki grabbed my left arm and interlaced her fingers with mine.

"I have to come closer to you to make sure neither of us get wet." She said with a smile.

I gave her back a faint smile.

"Where are we gonna go?" I asked.

"There's a Japanese lunch meal place not too far from here."

"Alrighty" I said.

We carried on walking and we eventually got to the place. We sat on the small 2 person table on the far left side of the restaurant. We both ordered a mix teishoku. As we started eating inside my mind I recalled the song.

Little wing.

I looked back on what Fukurou told us that day.

* * *

" _You both at least know the song "Little Wing" right?" Fukurou asked us with a excited face, leaning over his side of the table._

" _No idea, just like all your other songs. Never heard of it." I said, sipping on my coffee._

" _Actually…. I think I've heard of it…" Tadaoki said as he tapped on the table looking up._

 _The three of were sitting down and enjoying our coffee and tea in the usual Kissaten(Japanese cafe). The reason we came here so often was that for broke university students like us, a cheap and fairly comfortable place like this was the only viable option to hang out at._

" _Oh it's that song by Jimi Hendrix right? My old man used to have that record. I think it was called…. bolder than love?. I remember it had a pretty trippy and weird album cover." He answered._

" _No! The album is called "Axis: Bold As Love" not Bolder than love! Anyway I'm talking about the cover version by the legendary Stevie Ray Vaughan!, his only cover song of Hendrix's which is far better than the original." Fukurou exclaimed._

" _The hell I'm supposed to know which version or whatever you're talking about?, at least say who sang it you dumbass" Tadaoki said jokingly as he combed his long, brown dyed hair with his fingers while looking at his phone._

" _You're the dumbass, who sang it? In SRVs version there aren't any lyrics! It's all instrumentals! Anyway, I did say Little Wing BY STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN!" Fukurou said, almost shouting this time._

" _No you fucking didn't, you just said the title, "Little Wing" right Hikigaya?" Said Tadaoki, expecting a answer from me._

 _I was able to tell Tadaoki was in a pretty angry mood due to Fukurou, but he still remained fairly composed._

" _Fukurou, Tadaoki's right you just said the title "Little Wing" You didn't say who it was by or anything." I said as I placed my coffee cup back down on the table._

 _Fukurou sighed after hearing my response._

" _Pfffft… I thought I finally met someone who understands me… whatever just wait and listen" Fukurou carried on as he got up, pulling a CD out of his bag._

" _The Essential Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble" it read._

 _The album cover had a face of someone, who I assumed to be was Stevie Ray Vaughan._

 _Fukurou walked up to the owner of the Kissaten who was standing by the counter. A short, middle aged woman who was also the only worker there._

" _Ma'am, can you please play this CD?" Fukurou said in a completely calm and kind way. Especially compared to how he was talking before to Tadaoki._

 _Fukurou was short and on the slightly chubbier side. He was around the same height as the owner._

" _Sure" the owner looked back to Fukurou with a kind smile._

" _Please, play track 6 on disc 2."_

" _Off course." The owner responded as she opened up the CD case._

" _Thank you for playing my music all the time Ma'am. I really appreciate it"_

 _Fukurou returned to sit back down on his seat. The smile he had on earlier when he faced the owner had shaped into his usual "I'm listening to my music" face._

" _Just wait and listen" he said as he looked at me and Tadaoki._

" _Fukurou, you are probably the only university student in all of Japan who listens to this type of shit." Tadaoki said._

" _Shit? Compare that with all the modern shit you listen to! You don't know anything!" Fukurou exclaimed again._

 _Fukurou was usually a quiet little guy, but when it came to talking about his favourite music he was a wild animal._

" _Wait wait shut up the songs gonna start now!" Fukurou quickly said._

" _You were the last guy to talk, Fukurou." I said._

" _Just shut up!"_

 _I sighed in reaction to what Fukurou just said._

 _The song started._

 _It started with a clean guitar intro._

 _It sounded calm._

 _Maybe this isn't so bad? I thought to myself silently._

* * *

"Hachi!"

I blinked.

 _Where am I?_

I saw Saki sitting across from me.

I looked down and saw a completely finished meal.

 _Wait was I eating?_

I can't recall tasting anything.

"Hachi? Why aren't you saying anything?" Saki said placing her hand on my cheek.

I didn't know what to say.

"Oh, my bad…"

Saki wore another worried expression, this time a lot more evident.

"What is it? You are acting so strange today!'

I looked over to her meal and saw that she was finished as well.

"Hey I'm really sorry. Again it's nothi-"

Saki placed her hand over my lips gently, preventing me from finishing my sentence.

"Really, what happened. Please, tell me. I can't bear looking at you like this without having a clue what's going on."

She let her hand off.

 _Where do I start?._

"How you were acting in the record store, does it have anything to do with the letter from this morning?" She asked me.

I looked at her.

"Yeah…. like, sort of."

I carried on.

"What was happening was that I heard a certain song playing in that store. It was the same song I heard on the taxi, after I left Yukinoshita."

Saki looked at me in slight shock.

"You know what happened before and straight after that…" I said. "...Saki, I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for what you did. I...just… can't imagine where I would be right now if you hadn't been there."

That taxi ride was the closest thing to hell for me. I owe everything I have to Saki.

"Again, thank you so much Saki."

Saki looked at me with her beautiful eyes closely. She was blushing, face bright red. We shared a quick kiss as she smiled.

"Hachi, I need to thank you as well equally. You gave me everything as well." She said as she still blushed leaving her hand on top of mine.

That's not true. Nothing I can do from now equals to what she did to me after I left Yukinoshita.

"Anyway…. what does that have to do with the letter?" She asked.

I breathed out slowly.

"First of all, Michio Tadaoki was someone I knew back in university." I said. "We used to kind of meet up as a group of three. Me, Tadaoki and a guy we called "Fukurou". Tadaoki sent me the letter to notify me that Fukurou killed himself recently."

Saki eyes widened slightly.

"Wow… sorry .. so they were your friends?" She asked me slowly.

 _Friends?_

…..

"I'll be honest here, back then I never thought of ourselves as a friend group, but I guess we did the things friends do." I said. "I bought that CD since it was Fukurou's favourite album. As a remembrance for him. That song I talked about earlier, is called 'Little Wing' I know this since it was Fukurous favourite song in the entire album. Coincidentally, its the same song which was playing in the taxi that night"

I blankly stared towards the window to notice the pavement had formed a hundred miniature puddles due to the falling rain.

 _Whens the last time I went to Kyoto?_


End file.
